I agree. it was my first attempt. Any advice on how I can make it better?

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mmm... i really enjoyed this. while i was reading i could imagine a quiet beat in the background maybe some piano. damn son blew my mind.
awesssssome.

I wrote this one when I worked overnight in a gas station. Its all things that I have personally seen. At 6 am the city starts to come alive. A city bus rolls down the street. Men off to work construction and students getting ready for school. But me I work in a gas station. I see what people don't ...

I've felt the same way after a shroom trip. I enjoyed this a lot.

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so my homie illborate told me to join up and peep the poetry and other badass writing. ill put a writen up later. peace sons and sonlets -- Mon Jul 05, 2010 11:31 pm -- so I think I'll do my zombie. With the look in there eye it makes me want to fly away, but I stay not stray from the prey that I sl...