i'm the typa guy to bring a girl to a bar, forget the fuck i brought, and walk out with the wrong broad, i just dropped her off, at the wrong apartment and nodded off, and woke up on her momma's lawn, with a broken condom on, my word's worth shit, like i'm textin wile i'm on the john, i just ditched...

i'm like whatever man,
my rhyme is sick as shit,
it's startin to feel a bit,
under the weather and,
i'll put your career in a coffin,
if you get to slackin,
i don't mean i'm coughin,
when i say i'm hackin,
i get awful mean when i get to stabbin,
my stomach's getting lean cuz of all this laughin

i think i fixed it. thanks man

shut ya legs again?
slut, you don't like my mercedez benz,
what i gotta do,
use super glue just to keep you in?

i think controlled emotion is the best tool a writer has. i'm seeing raw emotion in the piece for sure bro, so i think if you use this as a rough draft and work on the rhymes you can turn it into a really tight verse

<r><URL url="http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/short-part-vt22741.html"><LINK_TEXT text="http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/short ... 22741.html">http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/short-part-vt22741.html</LINK_TEXT></URL><br/> <URL url="http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/words-encouragement-vt22682.ht...

this was sick man. it's good to see a piece that delivers an awesome message without forcing the flow.

I can always appreciate real talk. Keep it up man, I loved it.

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

Thanks guys. I appreciate the constructive criticism.

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

shadow bars pretty much dishin out shallow bars/
lackin cash and cars broker than a cracked mastercard/

I'm new to this site and i liked what i read. It was easy to read and really flowed. i'm not really at a level to critique man, but that was on fire.

what's up? i don't even know if i'm supposed to reply to this thread, but here we go. i love writing lyrics, but i dont really have anybody to tell me whether or not i'm on point, so this site seems helpful. i just stumbled on this site while searching for a place to get feedback on my lyrics. i'm e...

I got 1 empty wallet, 2 holes in my pockets, I’m 4 pounds thinner cuz of 3 more problems, called breakfast lunch and dinner, I’ma get my shit together, I can make it through the summer, it’s the winter I can’t weather, with the holes in my jacket and no soles in my sneakers, I am not about to be bro...