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Feeling fine
Posted: Mon May 21, 2012 4:28 am
by Haz
[center]I always said my mind in this cypher from the start
A writer with his Art..
Trying to give what he loves a shot but they
got a sniper to my heart...
As a cool breeze will take my breath
purpose is born there'll be some saviors left
who worry about others when they make a check
Brave at best, absorbing peoples problems
Don't even gotta cage the mess
getting sicker i'm going mad
my illness is rage possessed
you could talk about pain
and i'll act like iv'e taken less
Iv'e taken more... Pain killers
like KICK IN, what the fuck u Waiting For?
Dancing with demons on satan's floor
He's Making me Prey where he sleeps..
Like there's Bait in Door's...
High... Off a clip
Feeling like gravity doesn't Exist
As I fly... Off The Cliff
What's Cautiousness?
Floating, No one can get as Lost as this
Drinking away Sorrow As I grab a Flask
Were U The Love of my life ???
Guess We only interacted When u Had a Mask
Tried To tune U Out..But I'm Putting this
Pen to the Pad At Last..Ur Like a Song in my head
That reminds me everyday..That I have a past
N My future will turn to the Past as Fast
As I'm perceiving Time..My Deceiving Mind
Got me always feeling like I'm not Feeling Fine[/center]
Re: Feeling fine
Posted: Mon May 21, 2012 5:16 am
by Momeijah
Pretty cool drop I thought it was something completely different at first but everything changed after the 'love of my life' line. Yeah that section did make the verse come together but at the same time it was a bit of a drastic change in my eyes, like this shoulda been split into 2 verses with the 2nd part a bit longer. But that's just my opinion. Other than that it was cool my favourite line was the mask one near the end it's pretty relateable. Keep it up.
[ Post made via iPod ] 
Re: Feeling fine
Posted: Mon May 21, 2012 5:23 am
by Kuhlerblynd
I agree with Domino... When I first started reading this, I thought it was going to be about something completely different, but the more I read of the piece, the more it slowly came together. I really liked how you put it together in that aspect. You did a great job with that. The metaphors and vocab were excellent. The flow seemed to switch up after the first few bars, but nothing so dramatic that it caused a huge disturbance in the flow. Emotionally, you tend to get really thick in a lot of your pieces, but in this piece, you seemed to bring the raw emotion in nicely, without beating it into every single line. This goes smooth, from the top to the bottom, and is one of the best pieces I have seen from you. Solid piece, Haz. Great fucking drop. Keep bringing the heat to the table.
Re: Feeling fine
Posted: Mon May 21, 2012 5:36 am
by MonuMental
always said my mind in this cypher from the start
A writer with his Art..
Trying to give what he loves a shot but they
got a sniper to my heart...
Yo, this is a pretty fuckin sick opener. Nice multies.
Don't even gotta cage the mess
getting sicker i'm going mad
my illness is rage possessed
you could talk about pain
and i'll act like iv'e taken less
I'm diggin these bars too.
High... Off a clip
Feeling like gravity doesn't Exist
As I fly... Off The Cliff
What's Cautiousness?
FIRE. Best quote of the piece, imo.
That reminds me everyday..That I have a past
N My future will turn to the Past as Fast
As I'm perceiving Time..My Deceiving Mind
Got me always feeling like I'm not Feeling Fine
Sick closer, here, man. This was a nice piece as far a the flow and multies and content went, and I also liked how you structured it in sort of an unorthodox kinda format. Fire, stay up bruh.
Re: Feeling fine
Posted: Mon May 21, 2012 11:34 am
by Reminiscent
[center]I always said my mind in this cypher from the start
A writer with his Art..
Trying to give what he loves a shot but they
got a sniper to my heart... (These four lines tripped me up at first. Although, after reading it a few times - I get the rhythm. Good start
As a cool breeze will take my breath
purpose is born there'll be some saviors left Probably my two favorite lines here. Great.
who worry about others when they make a check
Brave at best, absorbing peoples problems I got confused here, as I thought the rhyme was off - then you rhymed the next line. I think the writing format is off - though
Don't even gotta cage the mess
getting sicker i'm going mad
my illness is rage possessed
you could talk about pain
and i'll act like iv'e taken less
Iv'e taken more... Pain killers
like KICK IN, what the fuck u Waiting For?
Dancing with demons on satan's floor
He's Making me Prey where he sleeps..
Like there's Bait in Door's...
High... Off a clip
Feeling like gravity doesn't Exist
As I fly... Off The Cliff
What's Cautiousness?
Floating, No one can get as Lost as this
Drinking away Sorrow As I grab a Flask (this line on really lost me until I re-read it. It's hard to follow the rhythm / rhyme pattern in this format. For me, anyway.)
Were U The Love of my life ???
Guess We only interacted When u Had a Mask
Tried To tune U Out..But I'm Putting this
Pen to the Pad At Last..Ur Like a Song in my head
That reminds me everyday..That I have a past
N My future will turn to the Past as Fast
As I'm perceiving Time..My Deceiving Mind
Got me always feeling like I'm not Feeling Fine (Perfect closer here.[/center]
Overall I like this piece and meaning. I'm not sure if you intended alcohol to look like a woman - but if you did, good job. I like disguising problems as something else. That is also part of my insecurity. Anyway! I think you could do better at finding a format for your piece, although, I could do a better job at reading your format. Also, any suggestions I make are
ONLY suggestions from
me. Don't change your work for anyone, change it for yourself. Keep doing you, you're doing great. Peace,
Reminisce.
Re: Feeling fine
Posted: Wed May 23, 2012 2:51 am
by NeverOddOrEven
Haha Haz, I've followed a lot of your different work and I think your various beef shit has been hilarious, but REGARDLESS of what anyone says, don't let them fool you. Your bars are hard as fuck and with a little tweaking to make them sound a little cleaner and well thought out, you'd have some classic pieces.
-- Wed May 23, 2012 2:52 am --
Haha Haz, I've followed a lot of your different work and I think your various beef shit has been hilarious, but REGARDLESS of what anyone says, don't let them fool you. Your bars are hard as fuck and with a little tweaking to make them sound a little cleaner and well thought out, you'd have some classic pieces.
Re: Feeling fine
Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 1:38 am
by AntiMaTTer
I always said my mind in this cypher from the start
A writer with his Art..
Trying to give what he loves a shot but they
got a sniper to my heart...
As a cool breeze will take my breath
purpose is born there'll be some saviors left
who worry about others when they make a check
Brave at best, absorbing peoples problems
Don't even gotta cage the mess
getting sicker i'm going mad
my illness is rage possessed
you could talk about pain
and i'll act like iv'e taken less
the opener lines, id say the first 4 were my fav in the verse but this section here was my fav otherwise. after this it kinda got choppy but shit was pretty tight throughout. not one of my fav works of yours but the first half of the verse was tough. good shit