to the people

[Static]

I'm gripping the mic, holding my balls
hold up pause, hold the applause
thanks for teaching me how to crawl
how to appall & hold my finger to the law
dropping your sharks at the name john paul
and most of all, for never letting me fall
the charismatic static, i'm steady wreaking havoc
trying to get my attention, when you already freaking have it
see I listen to you more then you listen to me
which is why when my shit comes out it's 100 percent bitten free
cause i want you to feel exactly as i do, without any filter
and i keep it 100 cause I can't keep it realer
we're a product of a generation built on tradition
and i'm a musician who makes music without permission
i'm sorry that i'm persistant and refuse to accept failure
but i'm not sorry that i make you think and cuss more then ten sailors
or that i'm your neighbor, blowing dro feet from you
you need to ask yourself what am i saying, and what this beat's come to
I do this for the people who have my back and will fight for me
i do this so that you can understand my horror stories
cause i've been in the position, garunteed to lose it all
i came back ten time stronger, ready to refuse the call
the call that comes through telling you people don't care
cause i know they do, they're the ones unaware
this ones for the people, like common said
and life sucks so i got into bed

[Alvin]

hold up pause

^ How do you hold up pause?

how to appall & hold my finger to the law
dropping your sharks at the name john paul

^ I don't like this at all.

trying to get my attention, when you already freaking have it

^ Might work better if you remove "freaking".

see I listen to you more then you listen to me
which is why when my shit comes out it's 100 percent bitten free

^ I dont get it.

but i'm not sorry that i make you think and cuss more then ten sailors

^ Whatever flow your reader is trying to catch, is most definitly destroyed here.

the call that comes through telling you people don't care
cause i know they do, they're the ones unaware
this ones for the people, like common said
and life sucks so i got into bed

^ It could have gone A LOT better, im rather confused by your closer, and it lacks flow, and rhyme scheme.



Overall it was ok, i'd keep polishing the skills to be honest. Your rhyme schemes werent the greatest, sloppy crossovers, and flow was difficult to find, and once found, even harder to keep. Not bad though man, you had some decent concepts in there. Just pointing out the negative so you know where to improve...

[Defiance]

flow was hit an miss.. but there was a lot of potential in there.. probably be a great audio piece if delivered properly


i think more multis and betters structuring as well as harder stanzas would help you out.

how to appall & hold my finger to the law
dropping your sharks at the name john paul

favorite line ^

needs a lot of improvement but good to see you writing again

[Shawnmd]

Looks like it could flow well, good job. Comment on my Persistence post when you get a chance.

[Kuhlerblynd]

I have to agree with some of what Panda and Defiance said. While I thought the flow was good and you used your multi's were okay for the most part, it seemed like you hit and missed on some of that also, which takes away from the grand scheme of things. Sometimes it's okay to drop a piece that's all over the place, just to get some writing going and such. I'm actually about to drop a piece that's doing the same thing. At the same time though, when you are dropping a piece such as this, it's about improving or developing, and I dont feel like you did very much of that in this one. I hope you understand what I'm saying, as I have seen you write much better pieces, even stuff you have written that was kind of scattered like this one. It's good to see you dropping though Static, and I hope you Keep Writing!