THE REALEST MAGAZINE - VOL.1 (HOW IT SHOULDVE BEEN WRITTEN)

[Leeroy Jenkins]

This is Leeroy Jenkins' secretary here. Leeroy informed me that he wasn't quite satisfied with how the illest magazine written by speakers turned out, and I know many of you viewers were also quite disappointed...so I've done the duty of rewriting the magazine the way it should've been written in the first place.




Really doesn't matter much because this site wasn't fortunate enough to be graced with Leeroy's presence. Luckily, these days we have a luxury that they did not, so let's take this time to commemorate the arrival of Leeroy Jenkins to illestlyrics.com

Thank you Leeroy, For being awesome.



Not only has Leeroy Jenkins contributed to the best battles, and audio tracks that Illest has seen in years, Leeroy also provides an amazing comedic entertainment for the viewers throughout his posts and witty comebacks.




So to recap round 1 of the tourney....doesn't really matter because Leeroy wasn't in round 1.

To recap round 2, Leeroy Jenkins demolished one of the most accredited textcees on the site, Jack Da Rippa. There were also some other battles...


Let's take a look at the top 5 punches of round 2 shall we?


#5: Leeroy Jenkins [vs] JDR
Go ahead and try me fool, I'll leave you face down in your own blood like Alabama muff diving

An incredible display of both disgusting and brilliant witty wordplay. It's sheer genius, using the "your own blood" phrase to imply that you're going down on a relative. Unbelievable, Leeroy, Unbelievable.

#4: Leeroy Jenkins [vs] JDR
This pussy is feminine, he LOST in round 1 - jacks riders crooked him, it's evident
Last time I saw Future fucked over THAT badly....well, BUSH was the president!


Once again, Leeroy shows off his brilliance by implementing a personal that's relevant to JDR somehow beating future in round 1.

#3: Leeroy Jenkins [vs] JDR
You ugly nigga...whoops, how did that slip? don't no females want to fuck you now, you fat bitch
We seen so many 'bitches play-n-slap jack' they made a card game outta that shit

Another brilliant use of play on words, this time making a reference to the popular card game slapjack. Notice how he words his lines flawlessly...he could've said "So many bitches slap jack, they made a card game" but that would be grammatically flawed, something most regular and average textcees do...but not Leeroy. Leeroy understands that sentence fragments are not to be used on EITHER side of the wordplay. My hats off to sir Jenkins

#2: Leeroy Jenkins [vs] JDR
You? Dope? Dog, you're not even fresh...the only people ever killed by jack da ripper...sold their bodies for sex

Ohsnap! Leeroy takes it old school and throws in a metaphor referencing the serial killer jack the ripper. You never cease to amaze me

#1: Leeroy Jenkins [vs] JDR
Yall about to witness Leeroy blow'n jack off his high horse quicker than drugs and beasiality!

The most impressive feat of play on words I've ever seen. Once again, notice how Leeroy does not leave a sentence fragment on EITHER side of the wordplay. This is the skill of a TRUE writer. Not only does he says "Yall about to witness leeroy blow and jack off his high horse" but he also flips it seamlessly to mean "Yall about to witness leeroy blowing jack off his high horse". It's crazy shit yall.



Now everybody was begging me to interview this new star on the forum, so I sat down with the most glamorous man on the board, Leeroy Jenkins....and this is what he had to say:

Leeroy's secretary: Have I ever mentioned that you are not only amazing in bed, but also an amazing writer?
Leeroy Jenkins: Yes, yes you have....but I do appreciate your support. I'm quite humble.
Leeroy's secretary: So what were you thinking, going into that battle against JDR?
Leeroy Jenkins: Well, actually I forgot about the battle until like right after it was due so I had to keystyle a verse, and by god that's just what I did.
Leeroy's secretary: So that was a keystyle? AMAZING!
Leeroy Jenkins: Yes, Yes I am.
Leeroy's secretary: How does it feel being the most glamorous man on the board?
Leeroy Jenkins: Good
Leeroy's secretary: So I know that round 3 has already happened, but it took speakers so long to do his round 2 magazine that we're just going to pretend that we're still in the process of finishing round 2. How do you feel about your opponent, Enlightend?
Leeroy Jenkins: I dunno, I'll probably drop my verse on time and then he'll spend an extra 72 hours past the due date trying to frantically write up a verse that still won't be better than mine.
Leeroy's secretary: Wow, can you see the future too?
Leeroy Jenkins: I see the future when I'm bored, but future most definitely can't see me. I don't think anyone in this tourney can tbh...
Leeroy's secretary: Amazing! Well I don't want to waste your precious time, so I'll let you get back to having sex with really hot high school cheerleaders.
Leeroy Jenkins: Peace


and there you have it folks, the most glamorous man on the board.






http://www.youtube.com/purelydef


all that really matters.

[Alvin]

your actually quite an idiot. thanks.

[Quix]

SMH

[JDR]

haha w/e

[Majin]

Hahaha!

Epic thread, I like your style!

[ChaseTheDream]

All I got out of this was that you're into jailbait.

[CBK]

haHAhahAHAaHAhaHAha.
gotta respect his egotistical arrogance ITS SLIGHTLY WORRYING THO THAT HE HAS AN IMAGINARY SECRETARY. SEEK PYSCHOLOGICAL CONSULTATION MAN.

[MonuMental]

Leeroy, I've been wanting to tell you for awhile about that one show I saw... I can't remember it, though. Also, can I send you a picture of my ass boil so you can tell me if you think it's infected? K, thanks!!