i felt the pain but invisoned happiness
still felt the same so i went to the cabinets
popped the top of the bottle to stop the madness
swallowed every last one and collapsed to the matress
i had troubles and struggles i felt the sadness
now im grinnin and chilling as i slip to the blackness
No tears
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- Glamtrash
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Re: No tears
For the record - the more feed you leave, the more you'll get.
Short, but gets the point across lol. I'm always a fan of this topic, because it's very relatable. However, though the imagery was there; the simplistic vocabulary, spelling mistake, and lack of punctuation and creativity wreck it for me. Also the colours hurt my eyes lol.
I do like how the name of the piece matches your username lol. Perfection is reached through rehersal. Keep em comin.
Oh, and welcome to Illest
[ Post made via Android ]
Short, but gets the point across lol. I'm always a fan of this topic, because it's very relatable. However, though the imagery was there; the simplistic vocabulary, spelling mistake, and lack of punctuation and creativity wreck it for me. Also the colours hurt my eyes lol.
I do like how the name of the piece matches your username lol. Perfection is reached through rehersal. Keep em comin.
Oh, and welcome to Illest
[ Post made via Android ]
- CBK
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Re: No tears
very short, the first four lines were nicely worded an flowed well .. welcome to illest man.
Re: No tears
thanks for the feedback and the welcome
Life is what you make it, thank god for making me creative,
Re: No tears
Hm.
I think you are on the right track, really.
Emotion was there. Topic's very relatable for most.
I'd suggest maybe using a spell check, before posting.
As multiple spelling errors can really throw readers off.
Also, lose the colors.
Especially the neon greens, ew.
Props!
[center]
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.[/center]
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.[/center]
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