lifes...toll

Drop your written rhymes in one of the largest collections of original rhymes on the internet. The feedback in our Written Rhymes section will simply amaze you.

Moderators: Loon E Lou, Enlightend

Post Reply
User avatar
craven
Rookie
Offline
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu Jun 29, 2006 8:55 pm
Wins: 0
Losses: 0
Location: new york city

lifes...toll

Post by craven »

sitting back wondering.. the world twurls...when suddenly everything become hazy..
u start to shake ppl start to wonder if u fake...can u take the shit dished.
would u get pissed and throw a fist or would u stay calm and laid back
bite yo toungre and dont talk smack....this shit is fucked.....the ones u loved turn on u...
just like that...the nigguhs that was there for u suddenly become yo enemies...
and then it seems like everysingle day just drifts away and the air around runs thin.....
your blood flows flows fast....and heart stopped....u drop.....suddenly..ur not what u think..
ur not who u are....just another lonely bieng in world...another life taken....
another lonely death....when ur minds ablunder u hear the thunder...roll...and lifes took its toll...
word...run ova a slo6
Top
User avatar
16 Micz
Disciple Of Rap.
Offline
Posts: 2446
Joined: Sat Jan 14, 2006 4:37 pm
Wins: 16
Losses: 6

Post by 16 Micz »

k lost me with the flow but yea it wasnt impressive just keep it up.
Top
User avatar
complexity
Elevated
Offline
Posts: 9689
Joined: Mon Jan 02, 2006 9:09 am
Wins: 48
Losses: 15
Location: Maine
Contact:
Contact complexity

Post by complexity »

it was alright for a poem, the rhymes were pretty weak, i don't know about that structure either. 6/10
Image

Check out our Vapes for great prices.
Top
User avatar
drunken jesus
Supreme Lyricist
Offline
Posts: 4549
Joined: Wed Jan 11, 2006 9:55 am
Wins: 12
Losses: 1
Location: Atlantis
Contact:
Contact drunken jesus

Post by drunken jesus »

you really suck dick at writing
Respect this, specialist, black, testing this and get ya necklace jacked
Your after name scratched up off my guestlist, party freak
You the type of nigga that'll hardly speak unless you spoken to
You throw a cold screw but sober up when I'm approaching you
At the same time we postin two niggaz on that ass
Thats gonna do what they supposed to do the limelight
Snatched away from you because its my night
Killarm' blaze hotter than twilight, you better get ya lines right
Half of these crabs cant even rhyme right
[Killa Sin]

Image
Top
Post Reply

Return to “Written Rhymes”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests