Hip Hop Forum

Rules
7 Bars/14 lines (MAX)
Due 96 hours(4 days) from time of this thread
First to 5 votes (3-0=ko/4-1=tko). Each day late is 1 against you
Voting must use categories with brief explanations.

Categories
-Storytelling
-Flow
-Creativity
-Rhyme scheme
-Metaphors & Similes
-Consistency
-Impact


Kuhlerblynd's topic is "Framed for murder"

Jsteel's topic is "Zombie Apocalypse"

Check

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[ Post made via Mobile Device ]



The om-ni-sci-ent spirits SWOOPED DOWN to catch their prey.//Her song-lifts-these-limbs,MOVED NOW to unlatch these graves.//
Spells uncaged demons,a long-kiss-free's-this lady thats in chains//
Hells drunk flames creepin' greatly in rage.//
This well's sun-drained,beaten,
a slaying in pain.//
Tears -dried like water in a dessert.//
Her family rised,res-ur-ected from deaths dirt.//
Neared-life but slaughtered ,its for the better.//
The uncanny guys left-her-breathless as they met the//
rest of the zombies on the street.//
The end of a hobby of a fiend.//
A sense of belonging we need to feel.//This was all happening in the mind of a little girl/a man touched her,the human inside ,losing its life as the zombie mind took over,lonelines in her riddled world.//

THE END.

Can u post in my Topical Battle that I will be posting before the night is over? Thank u. Super busy at work bro.



The above was texted to me from murk

[ Post made via Android ]

Whatever amount of votes Im behind, doesnt matter...

My comp crashed, so I had to find a way to get this verse up...

Enough with the excuses.... Time to lace up the boots and PUT ON THE GLOVES...

Framed For Murder

Needed a fix and fast, decided to take a bitch's cash, maybe find one drunk as shit
Some chick who's dumb as bricks, easily scared into an unwanted pile of fucking piss
I pass a dark alley and duck in it, soon my wish comes along solo with a big purse
I grabbed her, she screamed with thick slurs while twisting her body with quick jerks
"Shut up and be still or it gets worse!" I said in a tone that's matter of fact
I grasp the straps of the bag, then it all happened like that!!! Too fucking fast to react
The steel was silenced, but only after a blast from his ass sent a shock to my roots
Drop of the gun, I'm off in a run, seconds later I heard "Stop or I'LL shoot!!!"
Give myself up? I was not in the mood, POP! POP! Rang out and cracked loud
In my mind's eye my life flashed now, sirens barely audible in the background
Refusing to be tracked down, I cut thru alleys lined with garbage
I thought 'If I'm caught, at least I tried my hardest' as I went in my apartment
Gave my night to darkness, then awoke to the news showing cops had retained my burner
In the death of Amy Turner, the suspect in cuffs couldnt yell more blunt, "I WAS FRAMED!!!" For Murder...

Im not going to take the time to highlight all the multi's. There's too many and I'm a busy man lol... Oh, the STEEL WAS SILENCED in bold lettering was a little shot at the opponent lol.

G'luck Steel.

Storytelling: Kuhler
Flow: Kuhler
Creativity:Tie
Rhyme scheme: Kuhler
Metaphors & Similes: JSteel
Consistency: Kuhler
Impact: Kuhler

Vote: Kuhler

talk about cutting it close... 2-0 for being late + qb's vote 2-1

i like what u did with that steel line, reminds me of something i did in a topical battle once or twice on here...anyways


Storytelling: Kuhler
Flow: Kuhler
Creativity: Jsteel (was a little more abstract,+ ending was interesting)
Rhyme scheme: Kuhler (you elevated here btw, nice)
Metaphors & Similes: Jsteel
Consistency: Kuhler
Impact: Jsteel (his felt a little deeper, just wasn't as clear)

Vote: Kuhler


Jsteel, i think you could have had this if you took a bit more time, pieced your work together a little smoother, and drawn the story out verbally, but kuhler definitely took this, murk man.. i like your dialogs in this, usually i hate when characters of a story speak.. but this one was good, props.. and for managing to show up, excuses or not lol


2-2

-Storytelling - kuhler
-Flow - kuhler
-Creativity - kuhler
-Rhyme scheme - kuhler
-Metaphors & Similes - Jsteel
-Consistency - Kuhler
-Impact - Kuhler

good stuff kuhler..

jsteel-u have a good approach, but you need to add more material, ur lines are good just needs maybe a few more multis and punches..

kuhlers up 3-2

Storytelling: Kuhler (story was clear and well written)
Flow: Kuhler (great flow throughout the whole drop)
Creativity: Jsteel (I liked the way steel came way out of the box here)
Rhyme scheme: Kuhler (again multies were consistent)
Metaphors & Similes: Jsteel (obvious)
Consistency: Kuhler (the story, flow, was just to good throughout)
Impact: Kuhler (took this but not by much jsteel really wrote a good creative piece here... kuhlers story was just more complete)


vote... Kuhler

JSTEEL:

The om-ni-sci-ent spirits SWOOPED DOWN to catch their prey.//Her song-lifts-these-limbs,MOVED NOW to unlatch these graves.//
Spells uncaged demons,a long-kiss-free's-this lady thats in chains//
Hells drunk flames creepin' greatly in rage.//
This well's sun-drained,beaten,
a slaying in pain.//
Tears -dried like water in a dessert.//
Her family rised,res-ur-ected from deaths dirt.//
Neared-life but slaughtered ,its for the better.//
The uncanny guys left-her-breathless as they met the//
rest of the zombies on the street.//
The end of a hobby of a fiend.//
A sense of belonging we need to feel.//This was all happening in the mind of a little girl/a man touched her,the human inside ,losing its life as the zombie mind took over,lonelines in her riddled world.//

I REALLY DIDNT ENJOY THIS. FLOW WAS OFF, BARS WERE SHORT AND LONG WHICH MESSED UP FLOW.. THIS HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ZOMBIES... U COULDA DONE MUCH BETTER WITH THIS TOPIC







KUHLER:

Needed a fix and fast, decided to take a bitch's cash, maybe find one drunk as shit
Some chick who's dumb as bricks, easily scared into an unwanted pile of fucking piss
I pass a dark alley and duck in it, soon my wish comes along solo with a big purse
I grabbed her, she screamed with thick slurs while twisting her body with quick jerks
"Shut up and be still or it gets worse!" I said in a tone that's matter of fact
I grasp the straps of the bag, then it all happened like that!!! Too fucking fast to react
The steel was silenced, but only after a blast from his ass sent a shock to my roots
Drop of the gun, I'm off in a run, seconds later I heard "Stop or I'LL shoot!!!"
Give myself up? I was not in the mood, POP! POP! Rang out and cracked loud
In my mind's eye my life flashed now, sirens barely audible in the background
Refusing to be tracked down, I cut thru alleys lined with garbage
I thought 'If I'm caught, at least I tried my hardest' as I went in my apartment
Gave my night to darkness, then awoke to the news showing cops had retained my burner
In the death of Amy Turner, the suspect in cuffs couldnt yell more blunt, "I WAS FRAMED!!!" For Murder...

THIS WAS AIIGHT. I LIKED IT MORE THAN JSTEELS VERSE. STILL THIS LACKED THE DEPTH OF THE TOPIC. U KEPT IT SIMPLE..

Storytelling: Kuhler
Flow: Kuhler EASILY
Creativity: Jsteel
Rhyme scheme: Kuhler
Metaphors & Similes: NONE REALLY..
Consistency: Kuhler
Impact: Kuhler

VOTE: KUHLER..

-Storytelling - kuhler
-Flow - kuhler
-Creativity - kuhler
-Rhyme scheme - kuhler
-Metaphors & Similes - Jsteel
-Consistency - Kuhler
-Impact - Kuhler

Vote Kuhler

kuhlerblynd wins

-updated and closed-