For Real Vs Arvincible

[For Real]

Topical Battle
20 Lines
Due 3 Days

Last Time You Cried

[Arvincible]

ok wtf is the topic lol

check

[Arvincible]

go ahead aand do idle minds we can run it the same way ekoms is running the touney right now so go ahead

-- Mon Aug 08, 2011 10:10 am --


felt blood pulsatin-through-my-veins from my heart straight-up-to-my-brain,
felt this weight-of-ruthless-pain, and a sad state-of-useless-shame...
in a guilty self hatred-stupid-blame, Im no longer in a place-now-to-explain..
cuz the fateful-truth-remains Ill never spend another day-with-you-the-same..

My lungs felt weak.. lips-wet, the wind felt heavier, under quick-breaths
Hard to keep emotions in-check, when I feel our relationship's ship-wrecked
I wasn't ready for you to go, love, you were so fragile...i got no hug..
its hard to get a hold-of..the fact I can't change what only God has control-of

I shivered in the silence-and-coldness, I could think of nothing but the brightest-of-moments
and the times i should've lightened-ur-load-and took my love and decided-to-show-it
suddenly.. there's no chance to payback the love you've given up-for-me..
couldn't give u peace of mind-or-comforting..instead i added waste of time-n-suffering

I was a little kid again, a man can't cope-with-this type of hopelessness
I cried so loud when emotions-hit, see u lying on that bed.. so motionless
I sat beside you, saying "Mama" till my voice-would-shake,
Felt my poise-just-break, for goodness sake I know leaving's not the choice-you'd-make..

Wanted u to be there when i made it, wanted to experience just seeing you proud..
They say I'm weeping-too-loud, but I didn't have a father and you're leaving-me-now
so fuck em,, got my fist clenched with my wrists drenched from masking this wretched-grief
as I felt this mournful message-seep.. with a last i love you, I let-you-sleep...

As i watch your soul fly away, I know only you can make me cry this way..

i love you mama..

[For Real]

Barcroft's Depression
The Last Time You Cried

Welcomed home, by a smell of must, in your one room mess,
Floor boards shriek under the pressure, of footsteps,
Wallpaper peels down, hanging over itself,
A whipping draught snaps on your neck, it's colder than death,
It's not a dreary disguise, of what instead is beautiful,
The solice of sun beams, they neglect this cubical,
The light switch decorates as you blow out the candles,
Your eye lustfully glances at the rope on the mantle,
As another year passes, Cupid looks on, keeping his arrows,
The greyish hue dies behind the bleeding of shadows,
Over the fireplace, the moonlight purges it's glow,
Like a sign from above, to you it's purpose is known,
You grab it, pupils dilate for this most focused of missions,
The rafters above, supporting the roof and supporting decisions,
It's caressed by the rope, which is wavey and curled,
You climb to the top of a stool, which holds the weight of the world,
It stands firmly beneath, it is patiently sitting,
Emotional flood gates open, you contemplate the decision,
Tears trickle down, onto a tightened noose,
The last time you cried, was the last time you could.

[ScottJames]

ARV:

felt blood pulsatin-through-my-veins from my heart straight-up-to-my-brain,
felt this weight-of-ruthless-pain, and a sad state-of-useless-shame...
in a guilty self hatred-stupid-blame, Im no longer in a place-now-to-explain..
cuz the fateful-truth-remains Ill never spend another day-with-you-the-same..

FLOW WAS A BIT CHOPPY BUT THE MULTIS WERE SICK AND RHYMED NICELY

My lungs felt weak.. lips-wet, the wind felt heavier, under quick-breaths
Hard to keep emotions in-check, when I feel our relationship's ship-wrecked
I wasn't ready for you to go, love, you were so fragile...i got no hug..
its hard to get a hold-of..the fact I can't change what only God has control-of

NOT BAD..

I shivered in the silence-and-coldness, I could think of nothing but the brightest-of-moments
and the times i should've lightened-ur-load-and took my love and decided-to-show-it
suddenly.. there's no chance to payback the love you've given up-for-me..
couldn't give u peace of mind-or-comforting..instead i added waste of time-n-suffering

FLOW WAS MUCH BETTER HERE, MULTIS WERE DEF ON POINT. NICE.

I was a little kid again, a man can't cope-with-this type of hopelessness
I cried so loud when emotions-hit, see u lying on that bed.. so motionless
I sat beside you, saying "Mama" till my voice-would-shake,
Felt my poise-just-break, for goodness sake I know leaving's not the choice-you'd-make..

MY FAVORITE STANZA THUS FAR..

Wanted u to be there when i made it, wanted to experience just seeing you proud..
They say I'm weeping-too-loud, but I didn't have a father and you're leaving-me-now
so fuck em,, got my fist clenched with my wrists drenched from masking this wretched-grief
as I felt this mournful message-seep.. with a last i love you, I let-you-sleep...

As i watch your soul fly away, I know only you can make me cry this way..

i love you mama..

DOPE ENDING. I ENJOYED THIS. HOPEFULLY THIS ISNT A TRUE STORY, LOL..





FREAL:

Welcomed home, by a smell of must, in your one room mess,
Floor boards shriek under the pressure, of footsteps,
Wallpaper peels down, hanging over itself,
A whipping draught snaps on your neck, it's colder than death,

IM A MULTI GUY, HOPEFULLY U INCORPORATED THESE UPON FURTHER READING.. SO FAR I CAN SEE THE IMAGERY BUT NOT SURE WHERE UR GOING WITH THIS..

It's not a dreary disguise, of what instead is beautiful,
The solice of sun beams, they neglect this cubical, MUCH BETTER MULTI
The light switch decorates as you blow out the candles,
Your eye lustfully glances at the rope on the mantle,

MUCH BETTER MULTIS HERE BUT STILL NOT SURE WHERE UR TAKING ME..

As another year passes, Cupid looks on, keeping his arrows,
The greyish hue dies behind the bleeding of shadows,
Over the fireplace, the moonlight purges it's glow,
Like a sign from above, to you it's purpose is known,

NICE FLOW.. STILL TO ME, UR JUST RHYMING THOUGH, I NEED MORE SUBSTANCE

You grab it, pupils dilate for this most focused of missions,
The rafters above, supporting the roof and supporting decisions, SICK
It's caressed by the rope, which is wavey and curled,
You climb to the top of a stool, which holds the weight of the world,

DOPE!!

It stands firmly beneath, it is patiently sitting,
Emotional flood gates open, you contemplate the decision,
Tears trickle down, onto a tightened noose,
The last time you cried, was the last time you could.

NOT BAD..

WAS A GOOD BATTLE. I ENJOYED ARV'S VERSE MORE. IT WAS MORE IN DEPTH. HAD MORE SUBSTANCE AND HIS RHYMES WERE REALLY ON POINT.. I UNDERSTOOD HIS BETTER..
FREAL: U STARTED OUT SLOW WHICH SORTA LOST MY INTEREST, BUT U PICKED IT UP TOWARDS THE MIDDLE AND THE END.. U LACKED TO GRAB MY ATTENTION FROM THE BEGINNING WHICH HURT THIS PIECE. ALTHOUGH I DO BELIEVE U HAD THE BEST STANZA IN HERE WHICH WAS:

You grab it, pupils dilate for this most focused of missions,
The rafters above, supporting the roof and supporting decisions,
It's caressed by the rope, which is wavey and curled,
You climb to the top of a stool, which holds the weight of the world,

I COULD LITERALLY SEE THAT BEING SAID VERBALLY OUT LOUD. UR PIECE WAS JUST TOO POETIC FOR ME. I THINK IF THE TOPIC WAS DIFFERENT THE OUTCOME WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH CLOSER..

STORY TELLING: ARV
FLOW: FREAL
MULTIS: ARV
SUBSTANCE/DEPTH: ARV
CREATIVITY: FREAL

NICE BATTLE, BUT I GOTTA VOTE: ARV

[88SkyLink]

I hane to say..this was a very tight match.

Arv had emotions pouring in his verse, nicely backed up with good rhymws and multies...best lines were

I was a little kid again, a man can't cope-with-this type of hopelessness
I cried so loud when emotions-hit, see u lying on that bed.. so motionless
I sat beside you, saying "Mama" till my voice-would-shake,
Felt my poise-just-break, for goodness sake I know leaving's not the choice-you'd-make..

Realz also had a nice verse put up, although some of the multis to me seemed a little forced out..plus I couldn't see the rhyming in the last bars...the best lines from you was

You grab it, pupils dilate for this most focused of missions,
The rafters above, supporting the roof and supporting decisions,
It's caressed by the rope, which is wavey and curled,
You climb to the top of a stool, which holds the weight of the world,

All in All, this was a really close call..but I gotta give it to Arv..vuz from start to finish he appeared the stronger opponent compared to Realz...In termes of Enjoyment, It'll be a tie, Arv's gave me more of an impact, plus the better multies were from Arv, the better imagery and delivery however was from Realz...

As I said..MVGT Arvincible

Peace

[leeroi green]

story 4real
flow Arv
multis Arv
impact Arv
creativity 4real
enjoyed both

real some of your rymes werent there but you def had a dope drop i was drawn more into the emotion of Arv's piece also Arv had excellent structure which makes for an easier read the reason i liked 4real's story better because i didnt really see it coming although in Arv's piece i knew he was crying over a woman then it turns out it is his mother man this was nice all around but all good things must come to an end

MVGT Arvincible

[For Real]

good match up man, leaves me with somethin to avange lol

[Arvincible]

great battle man u have skills