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Less is More
Posted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 11:51 am
by Glamtrash
After years of time travel
to a place unknown to anyone her age
she stands with the gas can
and watches her father burn.
months prior
in a gentlemans club full of no smoking signs
he sat and told her of how cold the sun was in July
amongst the snowflakes.
She opens her eyes on a page
"left blank intentionally," it said.
the smell of gasoline still fresh on her skin
she signs her name in red ice.
as the sun and moon dance the waltz
the cigarette falls from her lips.
watching the blaze dance across the ocean
she smiles.
[ Post made via Android ] 
Re: Less is More
Posted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 12:02 pm
by CBK
thats deeeep ! good shit man nice reference to the grandfather an good mention of paradoxes and oxymorons! an good title for the piece im no great judge of poetry i dont know what to look for but i can tell this is a dope written good post dude....
Re: Less is More
Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 1:10 am
by Defiance
liked it.. good read
deep shit.. good poetry
liked the 2nd and 3rd stanzas the best.
Re: Less is More
Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 1:24 am
by Arvincible
first stanza gave me chills...wtf is on ur mind u psycho lol jk i liked it.
you're writing always makes me stop and think lol
Re: Less is More
Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 1:41 am
by AntiMaTTer
i dont get it...wheres the rhymes.
haikus are gross.
Re: Less is More
Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 2:27 am
by ScottJames
AntiMaTTer wrote:i dont get it...wheres the rhymes.
haikus are gross.
co-sign
Re: Less is More
Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 7:43 am
by Glamtrash
why is it i always end up having to give a back story? lol
Me: i feel like writing something, someone give me a topic.
CBK: Paradoxes.
[ Post made via Android ]
Re: Less is More
Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 11:45 am
by Borat
and an awesome Paradox it is, I have no complaints only <3 for this.
Re: Less is More
Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2011 6:24 am
by Shawnmd
You come up with thought-provoking lyrics. It doesnt have to rhyme since its poetry and thats not what makes it so.
Re: Less is More
Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2011 6:47 am
by Sir Kevin O Shea
This is very interesting. I like the simplicity, straight up poetry should always be more simple yet able to deliver a message and this accomplished that.
Re: Less is More
Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 3:00 am
by 88SkyLink
This is really good. I liked the paradoxes alot, and you stuck to it very nicely. Good stuff
Re: Less is More
Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 3:32 am
by CrazyPete
I don't like it. Why? Two reasons.
1. I don't understand it. I cannot find the paradoxes.
2. It makes me feel dumb (see #1).
Well, I may not be too bright but at least I'm good looking. Or at least I claim to be.
Re: Less is More
Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 8:30 am
by Loon E Lou
this made me
although, it was still enjoyable.
kinda crazy skitzo but pretty fresh.
Re: Less is More
Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2011 2:11 pm
by KING RUM12
poetically inclined....good shit