The Woodlands

[QwarterZ]

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRMyrsOn ... re=related[/video]

The words grew from root forming the tallest of trees to be cutted
mixed up and gutted, formed into paper, spun into another budget
grasped by society, switching hands while others say they loved it
those that touched it, said they never felt a thing a love as loveless
because it manipulated the soul, as told by the manafactuerer
they believed it stacked the work, and went back to rehearse
told us we lacked the verbs, the movement became grasped & cursed
those that loved the words, understood the wood contracted birth
it helped those who never foresaw the glory printed "God We Trust"
so with those who partly loved, they divided us for art or lust
mostly lust because people like us, who always had their guards on up
wouldn't believe those who tried hard just to break us down
but those who touched broke us down, without changing round....
all we became...proud of those who seemed to be adjacent now
with us they carried the soul of fire, and never claimed with doubt...
we changed...deeply rooted into the earth that continues to contain us
playing strangers to those loggers who want to try and retain us...
sorry this far beyond something that we started to branch out from
this is the world we know as music, switched up with a catchy outcome
















I was gonna do "Still Dreaming..." but decided to save that when I was focused on that idea

[Defiance]

dude i liked this it was a great narrative to the forrest and what humans do to it, theres one bar i would have changed

they believed it stacked the work, and went back to rehearse

i would have like this
they believed it stacked the work, and went "back rehearsed"

just would have sounded better

but i liked it man, that was my only quarrel with it.. i liked the way this was going not too many people work at the environment in rap so PROPS man


keep rhyming

[TreTru]

yeah this is a good concept..i like the perspective you take on it...

i thought the flo was pretty good..unfortunately i cant hear the instrumental you got playiong..but the rythm
wasnt difficult to get for me...good stuff

coo written bruh...keep doin ya thing.

[Alvin]

The words grew from root forming the tallest of trees to be cutted
^to be cutted -Sounds odd to me, maybe I'm reading it weird cuz no one else has mentioned it, but it doesnt compute well in my brain. For the sake of rhyming ok, but sentence or statment wise, it took away from the picture because of the grammatical conflict im having with it. I was excited to read more once i saw how it started, but MAN am I thrown off.

Man, this is reading nicely, the transformation of words>roots>trees>paper, but this next part again, messed it up for me.

those that touched it, said they never felt a thing a love as loveless
a thing a love as loveless- Right here following the flow i can place commas, and it makes little sense to me again, unless i place the commas, and disturb the flow, which you never did, so i just typed myself into a circle. I read it as you wrote it, with no commas, this makes little sense to me. (a thing, a love, as loveless) The whole never felt a love so loveless... meh... I like, but i dont really want to if thats how you intended it. Ive never seen a black so non black, as opposed to black so white... know what i mean. If not, its cool, im kind of weird.







Gotta get to work, to be continued....

-- Thu Jan 05, 2012 2:00 pm --

because it manipulated the soul, as told by the manafactuerer
^In the Sense of rhyming, i dont think this fit well, or better said as well as it should have.

mostly lust because people like us, who always had their guards on up
guards on up I would have prolly removed ON. Flowed well without it, nothing like extra verbage.

I prolly liked your closing line the best. I'll be honest, I LOVE the angle, but I'm lost by how your went about it. I know every single word, i know how its correctly spelled, i know the definitions, but I felt this was too back and forth, to busy weaving rather than conveying. Solid drop, but over woven for my taste. I love the beauty in simplicity.

[Haz]

I liked this verse man, you did your thing with the concept.
The whole woods/Hip hop theme was you lol different
I think you could of made a reference to air as

it manipulated the soul, as told by the manufacturer

Standout line..

it helped those who never foresaw the glory printed "God We Trust"

This 2.

I liked both of those, anyways you always drop different potency
Good shit, Keep dropping

[QwarterZ]

The words grew from root forming the tallest of trees to be cutted
^to be cutted -Sounds odd to me, maybe I'm reading it weird cuz no one else has mentioned it, but it doesnt compute well in my brain. For the sake of rhyming ok, but sentence or statment wise, it took away from the picture because of the grammatical conflict im having with it. I was excited to read more once i saw how it started, but MAN am I thrown off.

Man, this is reading nicely, the transformation of words>roots>trees>paper, but this next part again, messed it up for me.

those that touched it, said they never felt a thing a love as loveless
a thing a love as loveless- Right here following the flow i can place commas, and it makes little sense to me again, unless i place the commas, and disturb the flow, which you never did, so i just typed myself into a circle. I read it as you wrote it, with no commas, this makes little sense to me. (a thing, a love, as loveless) The whole never felt a love so loveless... meh... I like, but i dont really want to if thats how you intended it. Ive never seen a black so non black, as opposed to black so white... know what i mean. If not, its cool, im kind of weird.







Gotta get to work, to be continued....

-- Thu Jan 05, 2012 2:00 pm --

because it manipulated the soul, as told by the manafactuerer
^In the Sense of rhyming, i dont think this fit well, or better said as well as it should have.

mostly lust because people like us, who always had their guards on up
guards on up I would have prolly removed ON. Flowed well without it, nothing like extra verbage.

I prolly liked your closing line the best. I'll be honest, I LOVE the angle, but I'm lost by how your went about it. I know every single word, i know how its correctly spelled, i know the definitions, but I felt this was too back and forth, to busy weaving rather than conveying. Solid drop, but over woven for my taste. I love the beauty in simplicity.

hey man...thanx for the breakdown on this..I didn't take my time on this one
I was just in a rush to get something done, and the first idea I thought of was this



Other then that thanx everyone for peeping

[Kuhlerblynd]

I really liked the concept and direction of this piece. The metaphors, how you spelled everything out from the facts to your opinions on things, and the flow were pulled together really well... There might have been some things here and there I might have changed or re-worded some, but just on the concept of this piece only, I feel like you deserve mad props.

It's really good to see you regularly posting up writtens again Qwartz. If you could throw some feed on my new piece, The Warm Up, it would be appreciated.

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/the-w ... 25282.html

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