whaddup guys its didge//
flow is water beneath the bridge//
grew up in the city then moved to the sticks//
yeah im a city boy you know what it is//
catch my drift im from chicago//
they changed the sears to the willis//
stand at the top of the tower feel it sway//
yeah im livin life day by day//
live life with no regrets is what they say//
switch it up get rough hit up the gym get buff//
yeah i gotta look good get that donald trump//
everybodys gotta show that they can keep up//
play sports whenever i can//
stay in shape so i can slam//
the ball through the rim like im the sixth man//
dog listen here, ill be perfectly clear, stuck still like im shinin bright lights on a deer//
look in the mirror, man i got nothin to fear, to mature doesnt just mean to grow a beard//
im just tryin out different flows here, tryin to see what feels best for me
i definitely appreciate any feedback, good or bad. still young, still grinding. dont know if i want to get serious or not yet
depends on what some of you more experienced guys think. thanks!
2nd piece
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Kuhlerblynd
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Re: 2nd piece
Okay, here are a few pointers I feel I can give you to help you almost immediately...
Sometimes your flow seems choppy because your lines dont match up... What I mean by that is, sometimes your syllable count from line to line seems to be dramactically different. Maybe not so much in this piece, but I did notice it in the other one. Also, a bar to most emcees is TWO lines. If you look at the first part of this piece, you have 9 lines, which means your flow falls off somewhere... If you were someone who recorded, you might understand what I'm saying here better... But think of it like this, any artist you listen to, ALMOST always uses an even number of lines when they spit a verse. That's because most songs typically use 8 bar verses.
With that being said, it seems you like to go for bragging type stuff in your lines, which is cool ESPECIALLY when you are learning the craft and building on your skills. The thing is, a lot of people do this type of stuff, so it's not very original. MonuMental and I are putting up a collab soon with this sort of feel, though, and maybe you could see how you can make your words hit stronger by reading some of that when it is posted.
You seem to have a grasp of what imagery is, but I feel you could work more with metaphors, similies, and wordplay as well. These three things can be tricky to master, but once you learn how to use them, there are endless ways of putting things together and getting double meanings with a line, or saying something without actually saying it. For example...
I have a dog- is simply a statement telling you that I have a dog.
Man's best friend is my lethal weapon, don't dare test him - is a statement that doesn't exactly tell you I have a dog, but it paints that picture for you, and gives you the idea that he is vicious.
There's some things to start with. Also, Im going to find a link and put it in here for you. The link will take you to something that is lengthy to read, but believe me, it's well worth it. Keep writing!!
-- Fri May 11, 2012 1:41 am --
Here's the link I was talking about. Hope it is helpful. I think it will be. Be sure to take your time reading it, and continue practicing the things that are taught in this thread... Just click the link and you will be on your way...
text-help-101-solo-t-vt-t-vt3038.html
Sometimes your flow seems choppy because your lines dont match up... What I mean by that is, sometimes your syllable count from line to line seems to be dramactically different. Maybe not so much in this piece, but I did notice it in the other one. Also, a bar to most emcees is TWO lines. If you look at the first part of this piece, you have 9 lines, which means your flow falls off somewhere... If you were someone who recorded, you might understand what I'm saying here better... But think of it like this, any artist you listen to, ALMOST always uses an even number of lines when they spit a verse. That's because most songs typically use 8 bar verses.
With that being said, it seems you like to go for bragging type stuff in your lines, which is cool ESPECIALLY when you are learning the craft and building on your skills. The thing is, a lot of people do this type of stuff, so it's not very original. MonuMental and I are putting up a collab soon with this sort of feel, though, and maybe you could see how you can make your words hit stronger by reading some of that when it is posted.
You seem to have a grasp of what imagery is, but I feel you could work more with metaphors, similies, and wordplay as well. These three things can be tricky to master, but once you learn how to use them, there are endless ways of putting things together and getting double meanings with a line, or saying something without actually saying it. For example...
I have a dog- is simply a statement telling you that I have a dog.
Man's best friend is my lethal weapon, don't dare test him - is a statement that doesn't exactly tell you I have a dog, but it paints that picture for you, and gives you the idea that he is vicious.
There's some things to start with. Also, Im going to find a link and put it in here for you. The link will take you to something that is lengthy to read, but believe me, it's well worth it. Keep writing!!
-- Fri May 11, 2012 1:41 am --
Here's the link I was talking about. Hope it is helpful. I think it will be. Be sure to take your time reading it, and continue practicing the things that are taught in this thread... Just click the link and you will be on your way...
text-help-101-solo-t-vt-t-vt3038.html
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