Hip Hop Forum

[center]Iv'e grown cold it's known
life blocks my spirit,I have a soul of stone
Numbness holds my bones...
Your free to have emotions,Iv'e sold my own
In the darkest place...I pick apart my face
start to pace..Wish I could have my Heart replaced
It's never smart to chase, but I'm behind you
I try to remind you..This is the only thing you'll find true
But I find through my attempt's to keep you For Me...
I'm shrugged off.. like I ain't here,just a Secret story...
I wish I never felt like this again..Like the Last time I did
Measuring the time I lived..ready to give the rest away
like It's mine to give... This isn't any kind of fib
I feel this pressure in my chest, spine and ribs
I'm standing on a skyscraper screaming FUCK to the world
it's a damn shame..I'm feeling like this Because of a Girl[/center]

Absolutely love the lyrics you can really feel the emotion. Keep it up.

yea this was a nice short piece. pretty smooth thru and thru
the lyrics are well used and has a good rhyme scheme

I'm standing on a skyscraper screaming FUCK to the world
it's a damn shame..I'm feeling like this Because of a Girl

last 2 lines were a good closer i felt the multis and
pretty much sumed it up str8 to the point

Awe look at you go with your feelings and shit lol. Seriously though, its good shit. You're young yet sweetheart, you'll find her

[ Post made via Android ]

lol haz went soft on em for a second i dig it

Hmm... Two things I dont like about it. One, it's too short, and two, it's not long enough. The multi's were on point, the flow was smooth. You incorporated some imagery, tossed in some metaphors, and laced it over emotion. Nothing can really be said bad about this, except for the two things I already mentioned lol. My favorite bars would be...

In the darkest place...I pick apart my face
start to pace..Wish I could have my Heart replaced
It's never smart to chase, but I'm behind you
I try to remind you..This is the only thing you'll find true

I felt that was real gritty... Keep dropping.

Iv'e grown cold it's known
life blocks my spirit,I have a soul of stone (these 2 lines start me off right. Although, if you could enlighten me on what "life blocks my spirit" it would be great. I think I'm thinking of it too broadly though)
Numbness holds my bones... (One of those sick lines that you ask yourself "WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT!?")
Your free to have emotions,Iv'e sold my own
In the darkest place...I pick apart my face
start to pace..Wish I could have my Heart replaced (I love and get what you're trying to say here, but I think it could have been done a little better. Just my opinion)
It's never smart to chase, but I'm behind you
I try to remind you..This is the only thing you'll find true
But I find through my attempt's to keep you For Me...
I'm shrugged off.. like I ain't here,just a Secret story...
I wish I never felt like this again..Like the Last time I did
Measuring the time I lived..ready to give the rest away (I like the way you break the rhyme here, only things I've seen professionals do well. I know I can't)
like It's mine to give... This isn't any kind of fib
I feel this pressure in my chest, spine and ribs
I'm standing on a skyscraper screaming FUCK to the world
it's a damn shame..I'm feeling like this Because of a Girl (In my opinion this is a good ender)



Overall: This is a great read. Your multi's are always on point and that's a soft spot for me. I absolutely love multi's. The content was great - in certain areas it changed the meaning (only the way we perceive it) and then it was absolutely clear. But it didn't stray away from the overall meaning - either. I love that.

You're really good but I think you can explain a few lines a little better. But, know this, this is only 1 opinion. One opinion shouldn't change your style or what you mean when you write. Keep doing you and I can't wait to read your next piece.

I just randomly read this cause I was bored but felt I needed to give some feedback cause it was dope. Really felt the imagery and emotion on this one man it was pretty short but packed with detail so I didn't feel like I just read a drop without like ... feeling anything. The lyrics caught my attention and held it keep it up.

[ Post made via iPod ]

my dude, you honestly killed it with this one. you kept it personal and raw, yet easy for all of us to relate to... which is a hard balance to create in Hip Hop. Everything about this piece was just on point. I give you a lot of props for this one.