Father, I'm prayin for a friend he and I are pretty close,
and out of all my friends for this one I'm concerned the most,
He say he readin daily but he ain't really learnin,
He been in church but say that he ain't moved by any sermon,
His face weak, he ain't prayed in a week,
he wakes up and just ...

Good looks on da feedbakk...keep it cummin...(no homo)...lol..

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I rather talk about a savior than killin the streets,
But if i show emotion then its showin im weak,
My emotions are 2pac-ed so call em deceased,
i have a hunger for musik so im hittin the feast,
its my last dinner b4 his blood is released,
He said in about a day its almost mission complete,
So im ...

Yeaa i kno in my recent drop i stopped writin that way...it does take away from the verse...thanks for the feedbakk....i dont see the forced flow but aight...thanks.

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Well da flow of the verse was pretty good and conistent..delivery was dere....pretty nice drop if u ask me...i just think the ending was a bit cliché...wit thw whole "remember the name"...ive heard that many times but overall nice..keep writin and stay up...

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Da ryhme scheme was str8 just that i think u should use abit more complex words and itll sound betta...but overall it was decent...keep it up my dude...expand ur vocab..ull see a bigg difference..stay up.

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Yeaa i feel u mann...and i have been takin the advice and feed back is wat makes u betta...so keep it cummin and thanks my dude...ohh and yea da piano line was kinda outta da blue but i was trynna say id stop u from sayin nething as in sustain..hold it still...but i guess i didnt show wat i ment ...

I suffer from depression but im lovin the pain,
u can share ur thoughts after i dismantel ur brain,
Take ur lips to my ears so i can hear u complain,
Touch u like a piano.. my foot in ur mouth to sustain,
The flow of my words just seem rarely upserd,
The deaf kidd down the street said he liked wat ...

Deep thoughts while i lay is wat im fightin,
full of secrets like rite now im fallin asleep while im ritin,
Deres many things i neva say while simply composing,
Its not wat i wanna rite..its wat has already been chosen,
My ryhmes are wat sooths me its like im in meditation,
As soon as da pen touches ...

Dats wats up man..thanks for da feedbakk...ill deff keep da writtens cummin...im glad to hear ya like it...good looks and stay up!..

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Okay,i kno u missed me..but i always cum bakk like chucky,
u must b dyin from tetanus cuz ur ryhmes is rusty,
i go hard all day sorta like viagra,
just ask ur mom i tell her legs to "abre"wit out da "kadabra",
BuT see dis is sorta simple cuz im nice lyrically wit versatility,
My ability would have ...

Overall good verse da intesity was dere....punclines were good but sum were kinda blah seems like u can do way better...never get lazy on ur
Bars!..go strong from top to bottom...but nicee..stay up..and keep ritin!

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Thanks for da feedbakk my dude...stay up!!...-Talent...

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as night falls da pen talks,
paper meets ink and dey take walks,
Grabbin hands dey take off,
thinkin of dere future dere arms cross,
they been thru ups and downs but still remain together,
In acupple dates..A date becomes a letter,
We should move on said da pen i think it would b betta,
im catchin ...

i like the flow in this verse and da similies u use aswell..."-Im always on my grind , so im getting all these checks again
Im caken it like bakers , chasen paper like a mexican"...freshhh..stay up my dude...