New stuff plz crit.

[TheBigHurt~]

hey lookin for constructive critism, tips and what such. im still a newbie. im always lookin to get better.

Nigga don’t make me pull the trigga, Did ya really think that I would kid ya.
I bid ya farewell, im old school like collin ferrel.
You bitchs easier than shootin fish’s in the barrel.
Aint you got a bitch named carol?
Yea shes a doctor, I let her stick her tounge inside my bone and check for marrow.
After that I play like chiropractor, I lay her on the table then start to feeling round her back door.
My sex more serious than a heartattack, when I get it I hit it harder than a shark attack.
Im jaws, im a lurker that’s backwards, im re krul im mean real cruel but real cool
Into the abyss I dive using my submersible exploration tool.
I hit the bottom you cant see, cause I fucked your vision from ya.
wave goodbye to your innosense in russia it's 'das va dan'ya',
I swear that im in it to win it, aint no other nigga gonna give it, like I give it
Cause I live it when i get it, I fuck it better than I spit it.
Bet I banana split it, ebay just lost your bid, it aint over till I winnin it.
Your over easy, running like eggs benedict.
Arnold is the govenater not a senator,
I eat pussy for dinner and put whats left back in the refrigerator.
Im at the bottom now but im gettin on the elevator.
Im on the rise like high rise, ill toat the load and walk the beems above my city like im cross eyed, im so high.
so here we go smokin on that purple dro.
match the blunt like a fuse i dynomite BANG, your Dyna-HO
gettin freaky with her eyes, gettin leaky with her eyes on me.
Dont take glasses for a nerd to see,
that Cash Jr. rhymes is harder for a dunce to read.
You dont need HD to see my bling and know that im a G.
Lil pinchy's tounge can feature horror, gore, or fantasy.
im preachin from my altar i holla 'girls get on your knees'.
the dinner bells goin off, 'hungry mouths its time to feed'.
my spit so flashy i really think that it could model,
when im through with you ill make your smile just like a baby have you drinkin out the bottle.
praying mantis pose. i kick out your teeth.
Your moment of unconsciousness used to reminiss a childhood memory.

[ugly]

the open wasnt working for me, niether were the majority of ur bars. Also some lines didnt rythm well, the flow was sketchy and there was minimum multis. Still, keep pushin it homie

3/10

[precise]

actually, loved the rhythem in this, it would probably make an excellent audio verse, little multi runs pop up here n there, with alotta good transitions from one rhymescheme to another

[- Mutual -]

the begginning gave it a bad start
too much forced rhyming i'm afraid
the CAROL line really did it have to be there
then some of the other rhymes picked it up a bit but
i really didnt like this piece
very good attempt jus not too my liking
people have different tastes my dood
but keep droppin
keep elevatin i'm sure u can drop better than this
keep'em comin