Hip Hop Forum

ALL FEED WILL BE RETURNED




I pace the block, 4 at night, beautiful, how my exhaled fumes glisten in the moonlight
Should be tucked up in my room tight, bloody streets, no missin where the goons fight
I cant avoid confusions, cant avoid illusions, I swear their aimin arrows at my head
Tooled up, like Rambo im a vet, havin paranoid delusions, every shadow is a threat
Insomnia, I cant get no sleep, this vet`s so deep, I walk the path that dead men crossed
With unexpressed wrath for best friends lost, they walked this path but in the end it cost
Victims to war, that unfolds on these fuckin streets, this life is cold so im huggin heat
Trapped! in a hole and its buggin me, i look to the sky, i wanna know where ma cousin be
Not fit to wear a halo, where did they go? a sea of tranquillity, did they drown in oblivion?
Eyes open, I cant see n its killin me, blowin trees n I still ain see, so I frown but not givin in
I`ve took too many loses, I ought to avenge, I cant get no sleep, just thoughts of revenge...

This Was a Pretty Solid ass Piece Fam ..
It Was Structured Weird But I Caught Tha Flow ..
Multies Flowed Flawless ..
Tha Whole Topical Was Nice, U Put Me inside ya Mind ..
How Paranoid U Are and Shit Like That ..
I Felt it 100 ..

Props

This piece was pretty decent.
I suggest upping your vocabulary if you know what i mean, like, try to up the complexity in your rhyme scheme, as all of your rhyme scheme's seem to be basic.
This was pretty cool though man

thanks for the feed

shit was pretty dope nice emotion thru out the piece the rhyme scheme i liked quite alot i got the flow straight away the vocab was pretty straight multies were tight flowed wit brilliance keep'em comin

Not fit to wear a halo, where did they go? a sea of tranquillity, did they drown in oblivion?
Eyes open, I cant see n its killin me, blowin trees n I still ain see, so I frown but not givin in
I`ve took too many loses, I ought to avenge, I cant get no sleep, just thoughts of revenge...

above what i thought stood out the best too me.


Shit was Kinda Dope,I Caught Your rhyme Scheme Which Fit Well Wit this Peace
Im a Fan of Imagery & You Seem To have It,which lacks in alot of Other
Post's Ive Read here...

uppin