Hip Hop Forum

The Voice - Everybody Has Problems, But They Can Become Too Much Sometimes,
This is What Happen When The Weight Of The World Tends to Crush One`s Mind ..
U`ll Meet a Kid With a Soul Of an Artist, Joined a Gang, Told to Be Heartless ..
When Tha Light Shines & Unfolds in Tha Darkness ..
See His Pain, Strain ya Eyes, But Don't Look Too Hard Brah,
Introducin Tha Star, Brooklyn Carter ..

Brooklyn Carter - Fuck, i Feel Tha Battle`s Juss Begun,
Lost Soul, Willin To Get Mah Dome Rattled For These Funds ..
Sweatin, Throwin Up in Mah Mouth, With a Cannon On Waist ..
Look to tha Sky, Prayin i`m Saved, With Mah Lungs Rammin Mah Cage ..
If i Don't Get This Loot, G`s Will Have Me On another Planet Engraved ..
Next Nigga That Come Thru Gon Get it,
Mah Heart`s Beatin Like Drums Nick Cannon Done Played ..
Aiight i See Somebody, Damn! It`s a Girl i Can`t Sleep No Hottie ..
Nobody Won't Come, I Won't Have to Rob, i Can Go Home, & Juss Seek Property ..
But i Can't, They Know Where I Stay -
Aiight Here Come Another, Damn! He Got a Cane, He Too Weak to Body ..
Fuck, God i Wish i Wasn't Mahself, But i Keep Mah Faith in You ..
i Pray to You ..
i`m in Tha Bushes, Dressed With Midnight attire,
Midnight Thoughts, The Devil Plots, Mah Lid Might Catch Fire ..
(Breathes in) i Look Up to Reveal Mah Victim, Walkin Thru Tha Grass With His Headphones Blarin,
Walk Behind Him, Arms Shakin & Now Tha Red Chrome Barin` ..
Place Tha Fifth to His Dome, Starin, around Then Let Tha Mag Clip in,
Started to Feel Power, So i Got a Lil Swag Wit it ..
Like "You Know What, Nigga, This a Hold Up, Nigga!" ..

(Tupac - Shorty Wanna Be a Thug Plays)

Malikah Jones - (Jumps) Damn, i Was Watchin Mah Back, Fuck Tha Angels Didn't Come to Mah Defense,
Now This Nigga Makin Me "Reachin For Tha Stars" Like "Concert Events" ..
U Know U ain't Gotta Do This Fam, U Know This is Dead Wrong ..
(Brooklyn Flinches, & Cocks Tha Gun)
Chill Man, Shit i`m Juss Pullin Out Mah Headphones ..
Fucked Up Night to Be Me, Cus Tha Same Night i Get Fired From Mah Job ..
Is Tha Same Night I Get Robbed ..
Ain't That Some Shit, Look Son i Know You`re a Test God is Sendin Me ..
Cus He Feel I Don't Love Mah Life,
Well Let`s See, i`ma Ex-Con, Wit Two Babyboys, and a Lovely Wife ..
Got Put in Tha Pin For a Few Years, Tonight Will Also Be Tha Same Night i Got Knocked ..
Was Bein a Lil G Juss Like U, Thinkin i Was Bad Enough to Take Out a Cop ..
Ever Since I Been Out, in Everyway i`m Hustlin ..
Everyday i`m Strugglin ..
U Don't Wanna Go to Jail Fam, U`ll Be So Closed Minded in Tha Cells B ..
i Can't Put Food On Tha Table, Welfare Gotta Help Me ..
But if it`s Funds U Want, & it`s Guns U Got ..
i Sure Wasn't Tha One to Plot, Cus it`s None i Got ..
(Looks to Tha Sky)
Fuck, God i Wish i Wasn't Mahself, But i Keep Mah Faith in U ..
i Pray To U ..

Brooklyn Carter - (Smacks Him With Tha Gun) Nigga Shut Tha Fuck Up, & Drop to ya Knees,
Talkin all That Bullshit Won't Cop U a Plead ..
Quit all Tha Dumb Prayin,
i Need This Money But One A.M ..
All This Frustration, Got Mah Head Hurtin,
& it`s Already 12:30 ..Shit!
See, i Gotta Take This Money, Before They Take Mah Life From Me,
i Can't Run & Hide, Niggas Will Go to Mah Fam, Then Tha Semi`s Uh Shoot ..
So Please Juss Gimmie Tha Loot,

Malikah Jones - (Wipes His Mouth) i Suggest U Stop, Cus Karma & Faith Will Get Even,
I Told U i Got Odd Funds, i Can See it in ya Eyes U Juss Don't Wanna Die ..
U One Of God`s Son, U ain't Gotta Do This, i`m Lookin Down Tha Barrel, Wantin To Cry,
I`m Juss Tryin to Help ..
Think Of Tha Nights in Jail,
If U Take Mah Life, Only Time Will Tell ..

Brooklyn Carter - (Looks at His Watch) U Wastin Time as Well, it`s Now 45 After 12,
Fuck, Tha Drive to His House Takes 20 Minutes ..
I`m Fucked, i ain't Wanna Do This Shit, it`s,
Stressin Me Out, Maybe if i Kill a Man, i`ll Get a Rep,
i`ll Put His Gang On Tha Map instead of Gettin Checks ..
Fuck i`m So Confused, i ain't Doin Nothin But Wastin Mah Time ..
i`m Too Soft For Prison, Or Makin Some Crimes,
Damn! I`ma Juss Kill This Nigga ..
& Right Now ...... i Juss
Wanna Run, Legs ain't Gettin Signals Sendin To Mah Ankles,
Brace yaSelf God, i`m Sendin U an Angel (Pow)

Fuck! Wtf! ..Damn i Guess Mah Heart Can't Quite Understand,
How i Could Juss Kill a Man ..
He Had a Fam, & Kids To Raise,
How Could i Be So Heartless To Have His Wig Juss Sprayed ..
i Thought i Would Feel Good, But Now i`m Fallin in & Out Remorse ..
Pacin Back & Forth ..
Shit, i`ma Send Tha Rest Of Mah Life in Jail ..
Nights in Cells, Privacy Doesn't Exist, Everyman For Himself, Fight Thru Hell,
Nobody Can't See Me, i Can Juss Walk away, While it`s Dark & Gray ..
But Shit, i Can't, it`s Like Mah Heart`s in Tha Way,
(Reaches Down & Tries to Cover Up Malikah`s Wounds)
i See Lights Beamin Out Tha Place, With Tears Streamin Down Mah Face ..
i Feel Tha Battle`s Juss Been Done,
Look at What i Rattled For These Funds ..
How i Woulda Juss Left Him Out Cold Here,
Made Him Reach For Tha Atmosphere ..
Knowin These Type Of Actions ain't Where Mah Heart`s at,
So Much Pain inside ..
Makin Mah Heart & Brain Collide ..
No Funds in Mah Hands, it`s 1:01 in Tha A.M,
All I Got is Blood On Mah Hands ..
God i Wish i Wasn't Mahself, But i Keep Faith in U,
Let Me in Heavens Gates, As i Make Mah Way to U ..
i Pray to U .. (Pow)

shit was dope man the emotion was great the rhyme scheme was a lil fucked up but other than that it was great the endin was good nice way to finish it off had a good storyline and i hope ya keep doin ya think cool

Very well written concept. You exercised your detail very well and helped express the inner struggle within oneself when the chips are really down. I was tryin to find a pace for it, to try to "flow it out" but I couldn't find the right way to spit the bars to where they'd fit!
Personally songs written in this deep of a depth make very good audios...I don't think written words alone can deliver the same message as this song would if it were an actual audio.
But good story, kinda bananas that dude off'd himself in the end, but I guess that's what helped make it the element that it was...because of the twist in the end.
Great drop.

Dude, like I said, this piece was incredible all around, nice beginning middle and finish considering the concept, flow, multis, and even wordplays here and there, very good character scripts..

This is an illest classic to me dude. Dope dope dope.

rell go back 3 months write it then elect it fo a illest classic lol

Perhaps one of the best pieces written on illest.
Just plain dope. Nuff said.

dope shit here Rell. nothing i can really say against it. nice story with a good twist at the end. it was long but it never fell off or got boring 9/10

rell man its been sometime since i seen u do this shit..kinda ironic u dropped a story telling piece cuz im gonna record one i made soon as well. but for ur feed..

liked the story it was good,real good storyline and shit.

flowed pretty smooth for the most part man

i dont think u tried as hard lyrically as u did emotionally which in some cases is good. the emotion in this definetly stands out and i assume thats what u aimed for. the first few bars grabbed my attention quick,always a good thing.

not to much i can say that hasnt been said besides the fact u were real detailed as Kurse stated.

keep droppin man

Good Lookin Out Everybody On The Feedback,
I Highly Appreciate Tha Love, i Was Really Feelin This One Too ..
Another Drop Comin Real Soon ..
Uppin ..

yo i think dis is one of ur sickest drops nigga felt like i was watchin a movie and shit dis would've sounded nice as an audio jus like Kurse said shit was a good story as well, dis is probably one of da illest scrips on illest and could possibly be a classic

all i could say is Nice poem, as for rap hip-hop or lyrical thought it has potenshol < cant spell but nice poem nice emotion

yeah this was nice.. good story.. well told, wanted to keep readin on, so it was a good topical in that aspect

flow and mutlis pretty solid, rhyming was a lil stop start in places which kinda threw it off for me, but kinda read it like a half story/verse.. so still cool

nice job overall..

Uppin` ..
Want More Feed On This ..

Ayo, that was Fire Son.
Fire on all sides from start to finish man. deffo 10/10
Keep them coming man.

"Now This Nigga Makin Me "Reachin For Tha Stars" Like "Concert Events" ..
U Know U ain't Gotta Do This Fam, U Know This is Dead Wrong ..
(Brooklyn Flinches, & Cocks Tha Gun)
Chill Man, Shit i`m Juss Pullin Out Mah Headphones ..
Fucked Up Night to Be Me, Cus Tha Same Night i Get Fired From Mah Job ..
Is Tha Same Night I Get Robbed .. "

Word, that's reality.

"Brooklyn Carter - (Smacks Him With Tha Gun) Nigga Shut Tha Fuck Up, & Drop to ya Knees,
Talkin all That Bullshit Won't Cop U a Plead ..
Quit all Tha Dumb Prayin,
i Need This Money But One A.M ..
All This Frustration, Got Mah Head Hurtin,
& it`s Already 12:30 ..Shit!
See, i Gotta Take This Money, Before They Take Mah Life From Me, "


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A lot of this drop made me say damn. The flow and rhyme schemes were clever through out the verse. As usual the wording was excellent along with your hip hop venicular that you use better than anyone. I don't know if that is a compliment.

All the different angles was crazy dope. The substance was there the whole time. The self awareness pertaining to the different characters was very intelligent. Just a great drop. I won't even look for a flaw.

I'd love to leave you more feedback, but I am so fucking busy man. You know there is a lot of other shit that could be pointed out like the conscience parts, lack of humanity, the humanity, lack of humility, the humility, the soulful parts, a very emotional and contradictory piece, which makes it very intriguing.

Anyone who says that I'm dickriding Rell, giving him great feedback when most of you don't get it from me, its because this is an experiment went well, where being a lyricist came second, most drops on here including Rell's and mine, being a lyricist comes first. In this case, he was a lyricist and a poet. Word.

Uppin for feedback.