Hip Hop Forum

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/tha-f ... 11651.html


Since the tournament closed early And no one really voted...i'd always wanted to know what people thought about the verse..


[align=center]...It's Over Fam...It's Time To Let Tha Action Hit..
I'll Show Demands..To..You Fat Faggot Bitch....When It Come To Throwin Hands.......These Niggas Scared To Box Me....Similar To Anthrax Packages!!!
Smashin Dem Dumbs With My Gatlin Gun...Call My Lyrics A State Pen..The Way That My Bars Leave "Hazard(s)" Locked Up To A MAXIMUM!!!
You Rappin Son Well Ya Ass iS Done...Cuz I Diminish Improvement...I Turn My Attention To Shootin...Now Ya Pigment Is Bluish...Call Me Ear Plugs..The Way I Put An End To This Uproarin Nuisance!!
You Bluffin Or True Bitch?(Well ARE U!?)...Haha..You Dummies Run Shit?...We Cunningly Launch Swift...Murk One Side Of The Team..Sonny SON... QUIT!..Before i.Leave Hazard Walkin Tha Street Lookin For New Cents(New Since)..LIKE BUMMY CONVICTS!!
Get Tha Money Run..WHICH!...So I Can Let Da Gauge Squeeze On Ya Weak Slut....You Lazy Tryna Be What!?!?!...Me..BULL SHIT..! Cuz I Don't Feel Nuisance..aZ iF THA DOC GAVE ME ANASTISIA..(DAMN!)
Did You Land Any Punch?..NOPE!..We Crooks We Ain Gotta Shoot...Ya Bars Full Of Lots Of Poop...In This Battle...I'm Ready To Jump On Hazard..N Smash...Similar To Desperate Men Lookin For Prostitutes!!!(LOL)
Yall Gots To ReGroup...I'll Bomb iLLegal....Yup That Islamic Ego....Tha Fun Is Zero..Str8 Busines..But It.....Doesn't Matter...NOBODY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT NEW...LIKE OMNISH PEOPLE!!!!!!
My Plan?? I Don't Have One...Tha Fact Stays My Mac Sprays....My Buck Shot Spread Hazard All Over Tha Place..Similar To Black Plagues!!
New Since Why do You Act Fake...Sorry You Fraud Cake..If You Had A Hard Day...LoL But Fuck Tha Peace...I'll Leave Cents(Since) Wasted...Like Goin Krazy @ Arcades!!!
Showin Me Around? Naw You Have More Gay Tours (Gators) Then Florida Glades..Str8 Gangsta? Nig Plz Only Time You Seen A Magazine Is When You Ordered From A Page...
Haz An New Supportin Tha Gays...But They Don't Touch Me Hardly...Haz My Dude You're Like Road Kill..Tha Way You Got Crushed By R-V(Arv) [/align]

Did You Land Any Punch?..NOPE!..We Crooks We Ain Gotta Shoot...Ya Bars Full Of Lots Of Poop...//
In This Battle...I'm Ready To Jump On Hazard..N Smash...Similar To Desperate Men Lookin For Prostitutes//

^My fav line. You've got some good punches in there, probably would have done pretty well in the battle. But dude... yer lines are SERIOUSLY stretched. I'm not just saying this as some sort of rebuttal for your "dick riding" accusations in another thread, Mr. Me Too. You use some good punches and similies but I'd have a hard time giving them the props they deserve because you're using like a whole bar as one line, meaning you're dropping 32's while everyone else is dropping 16's. Trust me, yer not the only one doing this shit. It fucks up the flow and makes it almost boring to read because you go through it like "alright, blah blah blah, is he gonna throw a punch or keep spittin filler?" If you were to record this, it wouldn't even sound like a rap song, it'd sound like someone yelling or talking with a beat in the background. The only way someone could pull this off and make it SOUND good is if they rapped it fast as hell. I know this is a text battle, but isn't the whole point of texting to get good at writing lyrics so our audios are sick as hell? You had a few line in there that weren't too stretched, but the verses I've seen you drop in other battles suffer from the same shit, they're just way too long.

Anyways, enough of the negativity. Punches were good and clean when present, flow has already been addressed. Good use of multis and similies, structure is all jacked from the long lines and no clear seperation of lines.

In Audio I Can Rap Fast so thats probably Why

Thanks for the breakdown homie..really appreciate the break down

Bumping for feed