Hip Hop Forum

"Let's go to your place"




I can't write/
I sit up all night staring a blank screen/
trying desperatly to figure out what my thoughts mean/
and then it happens/
involuntary movement of the keyboard/
sort of simalar to waves crashinon the seashore/
I think I'm just bored with being an unemployed whore with a taste for lifes daily little wars/
but I'm not sure/
If's theres one thing that I do know it is nothing/
I keep showing up for something/
soul crushing is a spectator sport/
when I was eight I built a fort in my mothers back yard/
and I wish it was still standing so I could hide in it/
instead of finding new ways to collide with pointless shit/
I would read my aquaman, down a capri sun and delight in it/
ride with it/
feel the bliss of nothingness/
head over to the neighbor girls house and steal a kiss/
grab a little change from mom's purse and buy some sugar coated bliss/
I often wish that life was a bitch/
but life ain't a bitch shes an insult comic with a sharp tongue and a heart thats bruttaly honest/
lie to me lady!!/
tell me its okay!/
tell me I'm not crazy and this'll all work out some day/
make me belive that somehow someway I will emerge unscathed from this fray
with a lot less debts to pay/
but anyways/
I went and got off topic and must apologize/
just another side effect of mental demise/
I can't write and that is the point of this poem/
and if you ever meet me would please take me home?

Please take me home
Please take me home
I don't wanna be alone
I don't wanna answer the phone
Please take me home I won't cause you no worries
I just need a place to scurry

Would you please take me home?/
I'll water your plants/
I've got a few jokes and know how to dance/
After all I'm only a victim of circumstance/
thats why I own these pants/
Now I know I may not be the best looking cat/
my eyes are slanted and my earlobes are fat/
when I smile I kind of resemble Arifat/
but my luggage is packed and I rarley smoke crack/
I've got a few kids don't ask where there at/
I've forgoten ones name but the others named Pat/
His mother was an egyptian acrobat/
Please don't ask how I stumbled on that/
Can I come with you?/
I dont care where we're headed/
I've got walking shoes and three bucks on the unleaded/
If you except my proposal I'm forever indebted/
The checks in the mail I just went and sent it/
I'm reformed reorganized reprogrammed and repented/
I repented yesterday and am expectant of credit/
I cancled my lease and my documents shredded/
and I feel that you are my next segment/
So give it some thought while I sleep in your shrubs/
I don't abuse most women and am no longer a thug/
I'm simply a man in need of a hug and a foot rub and love and the occasional shove.

Please take me home
Please take me home
I'm not fully grown
I can't be alone
Please take me home I wont cause you no stress
I just need a place to rest


I'm loyal to a fault with a scathing case of the gimmies/
I think it goes back to when I lost Jimmie/
My self respect is flimsy and I grimace at a challenge/
I often get dizzy and lose my balance/
some might say that I'm cold and calice but they are isignifgant maggots/
I'm not so bad, there are worse men/
Dahmer,Gacey Bundy I've got nothing on them/
The worst I might do is stab you with a pen/
but I type these days so your safe from that trend/
again I can't write which was supposed to be the theme/
I can babble in script form and not know what I mean/
I think its the voice in my head being mean/
and bythe way her name is Jean/
You may get to meat her if you are kean/
she walks softly and carries a phsychosis machine/
she educates me on the ways of the streets/
I repay her by obeying her screams/
but don't be alarmed I'm a marvelous companion/
I'm only a danger to woman named shannon, or jane or cindyand especially Kim/
And your name is Kim so there may be a problem/
I'm trying to quit so don't get freaked out/
and would you kindly point me in the direction of your house?

Please take me home
Please take me home
My Illness has grown
I can no longer roam
Please tak me home I wont cause you no pain
I just need a place to remain.



This life is an unsolvable puzzle with a missing piece/
my thoughts are my disease and my disease won't seem to cease/
I'll follow youwherever you maylead/
Just please take me home and let me blead.

that was just like a wall of txt. Of what i read it was decent. Just abit simple.
try and work on your structure so we can catch the flow abit easier.
keep up fam.

not my best work ... just tryin to get somthin up so i can battle...

I agree, structure would make this alot easier to read.
I do enjoy your chorus, your bars were a bit stretched from time to time.
but i do like the shit you write. keep it up your not bad at all.

It cut and paste wrong should be more readable now...thank you all for the critique