Hip Hop Forum

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[font=Times New Roman][align=center]Abiding on a cove of lone benthos lyed a modest fellow..
prying rose petals beside a topless kettle..
as wind stroked dextral across the fierce cold mountain side..
succombed to frozen totems of tears moped out in plight
The dear souls name was Al Ibi, a whimsical man..
weilding an interest in forging villas from grit in the sand
expressing his wit for the plan on a sheet of marble
sketched to tease and startle the eager tards through speech of garble
he would proceed this art to form a fortunate trail
that he'd stride across for hours with a corporate veil..
then glide upon an orca and sail,later to sit on a beautiful landscape
while the sunset glimmered as if it were krypton from a ruderal lampshade..
the deathstars proved he could stand bane,tho he drew sweat swelters within reach
weltering obscene about a duplex shelter in his sleep..
reminicing when his elders wouldnt preach as if they had less care to subsist
or even dare to assist in his fume mistakes,by unveiling fresh air through the mist
he preached " i am my brothers keeper,and guardian angel"
but showed no signs of loyalty his heart would sustain to..
feeling lapsed he squeeled and gasped hoping to ceil the scabs
that peeled his past as an unlikely swordsman with shields of brass
tears would mash onto the soil,where the pain remained permanent
he'd peso much attention to gloom,that later he gained the same earns adrift
confused in a blur of wit..he turned to our forefathers for input
and recieved a response that "if you smell what hell is cookin" you must have a grim cook
life is what you make it..no flowers bud from the riddance of soy grain
and mother nature would be more leniant..if you didnt avoid blame[/align][/font]

I'll be more than happy to explain it if you dont comprehend.

Feed.

explain nothin i gotta dictionary
and i need ta up my vocab all works really
deep thought put into this shit
had obviously dope vocab which kinda messed the flow up at the begginning
but it picked up and was a dope read
as usual
keep'em comin

ohh yeah an ya "Side Effects" mixtape shyt i was tryna get hold of it but i cant download it from the site can u try postin it on rapidshare or sum shit
thanks

yea no doubt i got chu man..and thanks for the feed.

yeah fo'real i'll think i need an expo. on this story..

lyrically.. it was solid.. flow was mostly on.. multis where cool.. if not a little repetitive in places.. story was told well enough, but i was lost in some of the phrases, so it was kinda hard to keep track of the story as a whole..

there was no real stand out lines, but you have an interesting way of making words rhyme, alto of cats, me included.. are happy to used the same words to rhyme with other words.. i.e. time, rhyme, line etc.. you get the idea.. but you seem to put the effort in to make words rhyme that you wouldnt think of.. which is what impressed me most about the piece..

good job..

hahaha thanks mark i appreciate the breakdown on your opinion of the drop basically when i say poor excuse of life..the whole topical is about a person named alibi..and the part when he says i am my brothers keeper..hes really not because he avoids his brother named "Blame" and now hes a lost cause..avoiding blame is the definition of an alibi or just a poor excuse..so i made it into a topical..ehhh you get it? LOL.

To Be honest I Thought This held Alot of Complexity In it Fam,
At First I Was a Little Lost ... But I Get The Topical Now...
Your Styles Deff Bananaz Its Different...This Was Different Overall.
Liked Your Choice Of Words , Wording And The Way You Used Your Style To Your Advantange While Writin This

The dear souls name was Al Ibi, a whimsical man..
weilding an interest in forging villas from grit in the sand
expressing his wit for the plan on a sheet of marble
sketched to tease and startle the eager tards through speech of garble


Thought That was Nasty^ Liked the Multis (rhyme scheme ) etc etc.

Keep Droppin Fam

thanks for the feedage my dude.

flew over dudes heads imo.

including mine, at first.
REALLY hard to understand but thats what makes you want to read it more. But on the downside it'll turn some dudes off as well.
Not as good as your last piece (which i enjoyed alot) but still pretty frickin dope.
Not just the vocab but the thought and metaphors in the story. good job,

thanks for the feedage.

wow thanks for the info, kinda cool!

lol this was very interesting

i aint a liar. i`ll be honest and say i didnt understand most of it.
from a technical point of view it was dope. the original vocab, the complex multis, the way it read smoothly.

its not really my style. a bit "fairytle" for me but i can appreciate its a well thought out and written piece so props

thanks for the feed.