Hip Hop Forum

[align=center]Verse i'm writin For a song...
Heres the sample In the Beat ...

" i'm on the outside and i'm looking in... i can see thru you , see your true colors.. inside your ugly.., i can see thru you..."


I Can see Thru u..With Unblurry Vision!...
I'm Goin Crazy But Don't Worry Listen!...
I'm On Da Outside Mouth Wide.. Eyes Open..
Seein ya Surroundins Cloudy Even Though u Despise Smokin...
Know this Guys Chokin.. I'm Hopin..My Thoughts a Decieve Me..
Cause U Walkin Away,Tells Me It Outa Be Eazy...
Remember how you Fought With Me weekly?!?
And i'd Fight with Myself??
It Wasnt Right Fa My Health...
You Said My Sense of touch was inaccurate
So DESPITE HOW I FELT!..I was wrong those Nights i would melt...
And took matters Into my owns Hands..
Palm full of pills had Me stoned man..
a Stone man..with his Mind untoned damn...
situations thick and thin like my bone span..
in a different deminision i'm outa site in zone fam..
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Cause U Walkin Away,Tells Me It Outta Be Eazy...
Remember how you Fought With Me weekly?!?
And i'd Fight with Myself??
It Wasnt Right Fa My Health...
You Said My Sense of touch was unaccurate
So DESPITE HOW I FELT!


^^ This is my fav. bit. Though this isn't my favourite piece from you at all, it's alright. I think you could have upped the vocabulary a little and maybe pieced it together in a better way, but it's still a decent piece, I've read worse lol.


Also, it's inaccurate, which, actually works better with the verse.

Good shit kid, keep droppin.

Fixed.

Thanks For the Feed.

i know what beat you're using. and the original song is sampled from the rock band staind "outside" the beat is kinda simple and repetitive. its the instrumental from a joe budden song. and ive read worse too, but like FL said up your vocab and if you're smarter than me like you say you are that shouldnt be a problem kid.

ok