Hip Hop Forum

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creepin in the shadows watching my mark
checking my equipment makin sure my knife is sharpe
some people are tuna and some people be sharks
i pull down my stocking cap, and wait in the dark
i follow silently behind him watchin my steps
my stomachs empty and growling its time to collect
some survive by working but i survive by theft
as i get behind him and put my knife to his neck
"give me your money, i dont have time to play games"
he shakes and shivers as i press on his juggular vein
i pull him into an alley so hard he gasps in pain
search his pockets grab his wallet and gold chain
"i know this isnt all you have give me your jewlery"
"and dont scream, i dont take lightly to tom foolery"
he pulls off his watch, wedding ring and money clip
than he pissed himself, that was some funny shit
i dont plan on killing him but its a rush to lead him on
youll find when some ones afraid their creed is strong
i tell him to get on his knees and pray to god
as i slip back into the shadows still hungry like a rabid dog
i check my loot about a G in cash and break into a jog
high off adrenalin i run into the fog
lying and waiting for the next prey to come along


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apreciate some feed

uppin 4 some feed

hm.. not bad, the scenary was drawn out, that tom foolery kinda made me laugh, basic rhymescheem, nothin too complex, strongest point in this was imagery, seemed a little more poetic from my perspective but maybe that's just me, overall it could've been better but least to say it was decent

thanks.. i was trying to paint a picture if that makes sense.
i find when telling a story its kind of hard to use multis and shiz..
but thanks

check this one for better rhymes/multis

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/m-the ... 12116.html

Decent. Not a fan of one syllable rhyme schemes, but whatever floats your boat. Good flow, imagery was nice. Progressed at just the right pace and was a nice little short story.