McGinley's Millions (Prologue)
Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2009 5:47 am
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/the-f ... 12178.html
As you can guess, part 1 of a story track I'm writing. I know the structure and rhymescheme seem a little odd but I switched my style a bit for this making more use of inners and unorthadox rhyme patterns. Feedback on this progression would be most appreciated.
Opening Sequence:
"I just don't have a clue,
How I'll tell my kids their dad is through,
Their crutch collapsing, their world will shatter,
Teary eyes staring back at you,
The one they thought would be prominent, lost,
Change came so sudden they never thought of the cost,
How can I tell them our bubble has burst,
No choice but to land where the author has tossed us,
Could it be God? No, who's to blame but myself,
Big spender like a runaway train with my wealth,
Without a care in the world, I snapped from happy to blue,
Because you never imagine this shit would happen to you,
They rely on me to protect them, 'nobody will hurt you',
But when their hero is defeated, who do they turn to?
My foundations are shattered, all I've built will collapse,
I wilt, I want the past back, can't take the guilt, will it pass?"
Bang.
Setting the Scene:
"I never knew the scale of trouble that faced the man,
He embraced each day, lived with grace,
He never seemed the type to make the plan
That he made when he placed his hands on the gun to erase his sadness,
And escape the madness that he thought disgraced him,
He'd make the best out of a situation,
Not selfishly make the best situation,
It just doesn't seem fitting for him to take the bitch way out,
And go on a permanent vacation, especially with the kids he's raising.
I walked in his house expecting the worst when I heard,
I thought a murder occurred,
The shot struck me in the heart, pushed it straight to my neck,
Beating out adrenaline, echoing through my veins,
Waited a sec, hesitating to check.... but I had to investigate
Something pulled me towards it, and I couldn't ignore it,
I crept slow upto the door it was locked, I kicked it to the floor,
The most horrific scene burned into my thoughts forever,
I can still see the suttle things I thought I'd never remember,
Wet blood blanketing the walls like red on a rose,
Shining in the light, and I could smell the lead in my nose,
This empty vessel on the floor, all his memories, dreams and traits,
Were gone without a trace, the second he seen his fate,
His home a peaceful environment, never seen a disturbance,
It seen the worst and it'd take more than a clean to revert it,
All I can ask is why but only he knew, I just can't tell,
Sad, the stench of sorrow hung in the air worse than a bad smell.
The motives lingering, last thoughts a mystery,
Where will the kids go, how did McGinley lose millions?
Forensics over to the cop sitting sipping his coffee,
"Hey officer, how come there ain't a tip in this body?"
As you can guess, part 1 of a story track I'm writing. I know the structure and rhymescheme seem a little odd but I switched my style a bit for this making more use of inners and unorthadox rhyme patterns. Feedback on this progression would be most appreciated.
Opening Sequence:
"I just don't have a clue,
How I'll tell my kids their dad is through,
Their crutch collapsing, their world will shatter,
Teary eyes staring back at you,
The one they thought would be prominent, lost,
Change came so sudden they never thought of the cost,
How can I tell them our bubble has burst,
No choice but to land where the author has tossed us,
Could it be God? No, who's to blame but myself,
Big spender like a runaway train with my wealth,
Without a care in the world, I snapped from happy to blue,
Because you never imagine this shit would happen to you,
They rely on me to protect them, 'nobody will hurt you',
But when their hero is defeated, who do they turn to?
My foundations are shattered, all I've built will collapse,
I wilt, I want the past back, can't take the guilt, will it pass?"
Bang.
....Minutes later:
"We have a witness here, sick with fear, face thick with tears,
Never saw the victim's death itself, but next door he was quick to hear"
"Did he see another person around? Was he the first one that found him?"
"Nah he said the worst was over, and nobody was around then,"
"What we've learned is that, this ain't a murder rap,
He struck rock bottom,
Lost his fortune, bad luck caught him,
Think the problem was depression got him?"
Setting the Scene:
"I never knew the scale of trouble that faced the man,
He embraced each day, lived with grace,
He never seemed the type to make the plan
That he made when he placed his hands on the gun to erase his sadness,
And escape the madness that he thought disgraced him,
He'd make the best out of a situation,
Not selfishly make the best situation,
It just doesn't seem fitting for him to take the bitch way out,
And go on a permanent vacation, especially with the kids he's raising.
I walked in his house expecting the worst when I heard,
I thought a murder occurred,
The shot struck me in the heart, pushed it straight to my neck,
Beating out adrenaline, echoing through my veins,
Waited a sec, hesitating to check.... but I had to investigate
Something pulled me towards it, and I couldn't ignore it,
I crept slow upto the door it was locked, I kicked it to the floor,
The most horrific scene burned into my thoughts forever,
I can still see the suttle things I thought I'd never remember,
Wet blood blanketing the walls like red on a rose,
Shining in the light, and I could smell the lead in my nose,
This empty vessel on the floor, all his memories, dreams and traits,
Were gone without a trace, the second he seen his fate,
His home a peaceful environment, never seen a disturbance,
It seen the worst and it'd take more than a clean to revert it,
All I can ask is why but only he knew, I just can't tell,
Sad, the stench of sorrow hung in the air worse than a bad smell.
The motives lingering, last thoughts a mystery,
Where will the kids go, how did McGinley lose millions?
Forensics over to the cop sitting sipping his coffee,
"Hey officer, how come there ain't a tip in this body?"