Hip Hop Forum

I'm Like an American Idol in Preliminary Trials – Show up wearing a Smile as Well as a Rifle
What the hell is a Rival? – Or maybe you meant Victim – I put more dots on your head than the Entire Nation of Islam.
Niggaz break and I Fix Em' Without knowin' They Symptons – I Just Put a Cartridge in Em' Like the old Game Systems.
Let that Nenna Go and Get em – Don't want ME to go and Get Em' – Dog that Mac is Automatic, I Don't need to say “Sick emâ€

I'm Like an American Idol in Preliminary Trials – Show up wearing a Smile as Well as a Rifle
What the hell is a Rival? – Or maybe you meant Victim – I put more dots on your head than the Entire Nation of Islam.


See Where U Were Goin .. Shit Rhymed .. And Then u Fucked Your Whooole Thing Up.. Cause The Red Dot Thing Is Actually Hindus Not Islamic People , Plus The Concepts 2 Played Homie.

Niggaz break and I Fix Em' Without knowin' They Symptons – I Just Put a Cartridge in Em' Like the old Game Systems.
Let that Nenna Go and Get em – Don't want ME to go and Get Em' – Dog that Mac is Automatic, I Don't need to say “Sick emâ€

^Preciate the bar by bar breakdown. More people should do that. I prefer constructive criticism over anything else, because my creativity right now isn't great, I'm naturally biased against my own lyrics so I need someone to tell me if my shits whack or not..lol
And By the way..




ANY line that reminds you of something wayne would say will ALWAYS be sick. Unless it's that whack ass rock shit hes doing…Nigga needs to stop..

this was good. it seemed real smooth. a couple of nice bars


Niggaz break and I Fix Em' Without knowin' They Symptons – I Just Put a Cartridge in Em' Like the old Game Systems.


i thought u could of upped it with the punchlines. the way the verse was structured and for me the random self hype verses should always have dope punchlines and you did have some but some fell short. ie the last couple of bars just seemed like rhyming and nothing much else. possibly freestyled. u had good rhyme schemes and was still a decent read

yooo watz crackin, anywayz,this shit iz fly, favorite linez

"Even my Bitch is vicious, Issue'in Fatal kisses, She'd come up Behind you and Bite your Intentions.
Listen… I Come around and Niggaz try to be the Town Hero. I Fuck around and Turn ya fuckin' Town to Ground Zero."

yeah u deff. ripped this...show me more! lol

not bad, seemed forced in places, couple lines made me laugh, the old games systems line was my fav, that was pretty dope, decent drop, not outstanding, but you seem to have potential, dont agree with anything lil wayne says being sick, i think hes one of the wackest rappers ive ever heard but to each his own. Overall id say this piece is about average, but i think if you keep writing youll just ger better, keep doing ya thing.

id give it a 6.5/10