Hip Hop Forum

he's reedy foh war dawg, make u question retaliation
not tah mention the weapon steppin u to evacuation
see you on the corner producing so empty them pockets
Im the business here i'll make u surrender ya product
start stabbin-you n put my street sighn on ur avenue
ur head dangles like spagetti ripped up from da belly
kill'd ma boyz wit da mashettie so we gon' get on in da celly
rock ur fuckin skulls, fuck'em all, homicides da str8 results
crank it to 100 volts, til i get da call let my stomach eduldge
corner u in the stalls, flush this waste n grip my waist
let u flow to da fuckin waste n let da maggot decompose ur face

well first off top your line length was good but you need way better
diction and spell checking! you need to also bring forth some better flow and
metaphors and incorporate multies.

Basically keep elevating!

Xy.

Xylo wrote:you need way better
diction and spell checking!

Xylo wrote: diction

you need to get off the 'im gonna kill you im a gangsta' topic, in text it will get you no where. Post something if you wanna throw punchlines around thats fine but make it interesting to read, you gotta make it interesting for people to read. Make me think use wordplay that has some complexity, even a simple line can do this if written well enough.


also the rhyme structure needs some work, read battles and others posts and learn from them, dont bite their style or lyrics but learn from the vets on this site.


keep posting and elevating.

peace