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obesity
Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 5:03 am
by Skywalker
He eats all day and plays video games..kids make fun of him and call him obscence names..school is something he'd rather not do..girls laugh and call him shamoo. one day he'll go crazy like most of them do pull the trigger and its aimed right at you...youve caused this kids life to goto hell and now hes spendin the rest of it in jail.he doesnt care cause hes got his satisfaction trapped in a cell for his life just relaxin'.ive seen this go on time and time again and frankly no sympathy for you my freind.you got what you deserved and hes happy with [font=Arial] [/font] what he did.you know what you did..you brought the killer outta that kid
Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 5:20 am
by Ambiguous Realm
3/10 mostly cuz u stuck to topic pretty good and it could relate to reality other than that the rhymes could be more complex and some multis wouldn't hurt pretty basic piece ... the flow was alright and fell off at some points, keep postin and elevate
Posted: Sat Aug 12, 2006 4:34 am
by 16 Micz
ill give it a 5/10 pretty short and boring, no offense your other piece was better..i forgot the name oh well.. return the favor one day..
Posted: Sat Aug 12, 2006 5:11 am
by drunken jesus
1.2/10
basically everything needs work
Posted: Mon Aug 14, 2006 4:47 am
by precise
yea, overall i thought it was alright because i didnt have to force myself to read it, its better to have rhymes slightly more basic and a nice flow and story then to skew the plot by forcing multies, just keep elevatin and youll be doin the complex shit eventually
i think on audio it wouldnt be too bad