Hip Hop Forum

im a sure thing like dentures and poly-grip.
fully persuaded, too confident.
like two magnets oppisate poles are,
im a polestar.
throwin my dick where them hoes are,
like ron jeremey.
i rarely see a ripple in the water of my flow.

so you aint heard of me?
my orginality will make me,
but it can break you.
let it take you on a journey.
Phillip Seymour Hoffman, he can act, i
let him act as my attorney.
you are slowly learning.
you aint heard of me?
you heard of me now.

call me king koopa, im the bowzer of the castle.
i like to pop pussy cuz pussy dont pop it damn self..
Drivin phigity phantoms, that make the hoes scream.
One, take two cets, three.
a trilogy.
an elegent sililoquy.
inside my mind i visualize,
what i'm pokin, when i'm pokin, while i'm pokin in they gutsz.
i aint a clutz when it comes to pussy.
i'm a hustla,
i take it in stride, my dick is the prize, nigga's hoes be sneaking off just for a piece of the pie.
Apple pie.
red is the color of my hair.
got fire on my head, more fire in the bed.
her brains good, you didn't ask but i done told ya,
been foggin up the coupe with Pinchy in the mornings,
she tells me you boreing, wantin every inch that Pinchy inch'n,
inch'n deep inside her organ,
makin her horny.
hoe ten times as good at hiding as Jason Bourne is.

Listen At First I Thought you Took Flight Straight..
But the Piece Fell Off.The Content Was Just Not There
And Some Shit Didnt Even Rhyme.. For a While...


Take The Feed Or Leave It..
You Need To Make The Verse Have Meanin...
Potency..
And Use Go for better Concepts..

ive seen worse first drops but you still need to up your game alot.
work on structure first.
its important to be able to flow the piece.
then work on content.
cut out most filler lines and really work on what your presenting.
then work on vocab.
need to grab the readers attention and make em want more.
then you can work on the finer subjects such as multis and rhymeschemes.

keep droppin and elevating,
read other writers pieces and try to learn off them.
1.

i agree that its not really close knit with its meaning, its just about being a badass. you may be having some prob with flow but i promise every line rhymes. the tempo changes alot and i really havnt been rapping enough to know if thats a huge problem or soemthing i should maby try to incorporate more. thanks for comments.

throwin my dick where them hoes are,
like ron jeremey.
i rarely see a ripple in the water of my flow.

this didnt rhyme man.
but im not tryin to get at you, just tryin to help you elevate bro.

check out some other peoples drops to get an idea of what i mean by structure and flow.

theres a change of tempo and tone, i just need to get a mic. i appreciate you taking time and wanting to help, but i want to put a recording with this just so people can better critique. thanks again, i hope to be attaching a recording or a link to a recording soon.

word....i'm sure it would sound better than it reads!!! not tryin tah be a dick but dah the shit at times didn't rhyme, flow was all overf (so it read) and the structure changed too often!



keep at it...you have potential doggy!

GrimBlaze wrote:throwin my dick where them hoes are,
like ron jeremey.
i rarely see a ripple in the water of my flow.

this didnt rhyme man.
but im not tryin to get at you, just tryin to help you elevate bro.

check out some other peoples drops to get an idea of what i mean by structure and flow.

goes "im a POLESTAR. Throwin my dick where them HOES ARE.
Like ron JEREMY, i RARELY SEE
a ripple in the water of my flow."

"red is the color of my hair.
got fire on my head, more fire in the bed."

lol, firecrotch

ur clearly new to writing, so i wont be too critical, but youve got the effort to put into it, i wasnt impressed to be honest, BUT i think u may have potential, the occasional decent rhyme n punch attempt was there,

i could see this bein decent on an audio if u had the right flow for it