Hip Hop Forum

Me? hand over to you? ha! watever kid.

Funny thing is you always thought you were intellegent
your lies werent relevant/
thruth no way of repell'n it/
no way of disecting it/
and to be hexin it,too many simple complexities/
I'm at a medikit like," Abortion or historectamy?"/
fuck you up intellectually like," castration or vesectomy?"/

read you like an orthography/
lies delivered you through embryotomy/ You never knew a-lot-of-me/
you hit the lottery/
i did armed robbery.../

I, Love all Trust none/
I coulda made you numb/
but, mom lost her son/
to the barrel of a gun/
aint my idea of fun/
so i spoke wit a pun/
god forgive what i done/
the prayer of teenage scum/
i was way too young/
mental piece undone/
by a tommy gun/
the nightmares aint fun/
daddy died via hard attack/ the chest is where the gat-spat-caps-at/
his homy laid him flat...

That kinda woke me up/
niggahs be corrupt/
friends'll leave ya fucked/
so you'll never know me/
you aint my homy/you jus too phony/
i want cheddar, you polony, disguised as pepperoni/
you never sold me,thats why we aint rollin/
clear lines aint folded, to easily remolded/
and if i gave you the block you could'nt hold it/
thats why i gave it to Odys/
you could never own this/
I aint a gangster but i can hold it-load it-glow it-scroll it-mow shit,and down low it...
I want the gold tip, not the told tip/
so niggah dont trip.FULLSTOP as in Period(.)

embryotomy/ the process of mutilating a partially formed fetus before removing it.

-- Sat Jun 27, 2009 11:59 pm --

still uppin

-- Sun Jun 28, 2009 12:03 am --

gimme feed illest.

-- Sun Jun 28, 2009 3:54 am --

fEED!

This shit was alright. I'd reformat the verse so its easier to read though. Like so:

aablabl alb aldsb/
asdblksajblkblk sdabj ajblkdjb lajbd/
aksajbkjlsajbdsj ak bjldsjb salbdj/
akjblkdjblksajb alsjbdlksadjb saljb/
a blkdsjblkdsajb adsjbksajb a/
alkdsjblkjb ajblkjdsbsa/

Get it?

Otherwise, I thought the flow was fairly consistent. Notice how flow is usually the first thing I ALWAYS critique. Why? Cuz cats keep dropping these long ass bars and then wonder why dudes call em wack when they drop audios and their deliveries suck. You can have the worst voice in the world, but if you have some charisma, flawless flow, and decent rhymes, yer shit will be alright. Look at Papoose. Or Canibus. I can't stand their voices but dudes come correct. Anyways, I'm off track. The subject matter was alright. Could have gone into more depth, it just seemed pretty redundant throughout. I think you have good potential. First thing to fix is that format though. Easy fix.

yeah man six it now and edit all the typos and ill leave feed

i Liked This. The Flow Was Smooth And ur Scale Of Multis Helped That. ur Lines Are a Bit Small But as Long as u Get ur Point Across And Keep The Flow it's Not Really a Factor. Brought Some Good Emotion And imagery in This, For What it Was it Was Good - No Complaints, But The Subject Has Been Used And Abused So if ur Gnna Write On That Topic u Need To Make Sure NOT To Say Anything Cliche, Even in One Line.

thanks for the feed guys.
Thanks scotch, always appreciatte pointers from a vet

still uppin

Decent drop.

You forgot to close the bracket at the end of your signature.

thanks
mkay