Hip Hop Forum

this is a track i did about an hour ago.
i was listening to my old shit and i just got in the mood
so i hopped on the laptop looked at beats and i just got this

the concept is me leaving my oldself behind. all of the shit that i put my shit myself thru. it was like i had an alter ego in a sense. and im destroying myself like all the bad stuff. i dk its weirrd so it may not make sense to you guys which i really dont care.

everytime that i woke up//
i dreamt that i just spoke up//
and told the world what i really feel//
than all of my scars would be healed//
i wonder when it will be my day//
to show everyone what ive been meaning to say//
unravel this twine that clogs up my dome//
sittin in a full house and i still feel so alone//
this shit just never seems to fall into place//
because it seems like its never going to change pace//
so i start marching to the beat of my own drum//
when everyone else is a peach im the plum//
i'm different from all others that you see//
because you just do you and i just do me//
when you start to give im going to take//
and when you fold i'll make sure that i raise the stakes//


i feel like i just gotta give up//
this life i live is just so fucked//
no matter how i give its never enough//
so i decided to repo all of my stuff//
and turn my back on this whole world//
with my head held high with my girl//
escape into the darkness and never see light//
because it nothing will ever again be right//
i gave it my all and im saying fuck this fight//
its not worth crying over every night//
this is just something not worth dieing for//
im deciding to end this pointless war//
whats the purpose of fighting yourself//
i feel real nervous but i dont need your help//
this is a battle that ill finish on my own//
its time to destroy this evil clone//

its time that i took over my own body//
you never did control me you just taught me//
on how to fight the demons in my life//
you told me that you were the demon right?//
well i found your true identity and its not what you told me//
you were just a mere man who thought u could control me,own me//
never that,and i never said i would take you back//
you broke a colorful friendship but now is black//
all you did was put me down and than you threw it in my face//
well i will never drown because i just found my own little place//
its time for me to start living happy//
its time for me to whiteout this black me//
right now is where i start living out my real I.D.//
so i guess this is so long and good bye to the old me//

ummmmm well the lyrics were pretty dope... concept was dope... instrumental was pimp cause i got the same one lol... ummm honestly the song was okay... but theres no real flow i don't feel emotion theres really nothin here to feel honestly... u still haven't found a swag where u can ride the beat i don't think ur puttin ur full potential into findin ur swag... but i mean it was better than what i've heard from the past atleast u didn't drag ur verse out in front of the hook ya know? over all man i'll give this an 5/10 the 5 is for the dope concept lyrics and beat... but ya swag needs to be improved alot...

i heard some mess ups that you filled in words or put in words that you didn't type but that comes natural i do it when i drop i feel the same way that lawgix feels i mean you gotta put emotion in it dude on the real you lyrics and beat was cool but dude your puttin me to sleep man but good shit anyway dude

thanks. well like ive said before im doing it outta interest like im just doing it to get my thoughts out not.

but thanks for the feed man and im glad u liked the concept of it

thanks

uppin

Dead this could be real hot you just need a shit load more of emotion i mean get angry or sumthin and you'll be iight...

As a matter of fact i would like to hear you re do this track but with more emotion and speak up more cause its really not that bad...

well ill try im never home alone i did thatat like 1 in the morning so it was kinda watever

^^ I Hear ya

But just get that new one asap

I Do like the lyrics and the story but the vocals and delivery are just dead man. Your vocals match your name. but like lawgix was saying everything is else is good. i also have this beat. I dont think the lyrics really go with the prehook on it tho. The prehook sounds like you should be telling your story to an individual or like a girl or something. not a story of your oldself.. imma give this a 5/10

still the same ole dead silence i remember...lol....good to see ur still doin shit to do shit...