Hip Hop Forum

Reppa Ton wrote:ya feet in shackles ya knees cracked from dey bleedin capsules
even that could put a demon back in dey heevan castles

What are heevan castles, where bowser stays? Becareful what you say with your rhymes, the rhyme at the end of the bar is the most important. Always say what comes naturally, don't say something that you wouldn't in a normal conversation besides if you're speaking strictly lyrical, using straight up wordplay, and not trying to convey a message

leavin u leakin absolutin heepin and tryin to breath
kind of mean but i seem to have opposed a dream
salt on ya wounds a lunatic and i can prove it bitch
move ya lips contuse ya hips and fusion cause ya brew to mix

I have no idea what you're saying here, reminds me of me, a couple years ago. You have the right idea, the problem is you're exaggerating your thoughts too much for the sake of rhyming. I promise you, the sooner that you understand that simple fact, the quicker you will become a more efficient writer.

a brutal mix scatter ya heart cardio diffusionist
illusionist make ya girl disappear and lose her quick
rudest shit a flabbergastic ludacris
nuterist confusion ya poodle's dick with ya uteris

Ok, that was just funny. Once again, the rhymes are ill, and could have told so much more beautiful of a story. I have to say that I like the last line, its a good to add comedy into the mix.

consort ya sort of unsported organs in categories
bash ya organs till dey smashed like a bad orgy
stab ya friend in da corner of his abdomen
grab his friend den perfom acts of bad intents

The least frivolous set of bars yet. I like.

i apply pressure to his neck spinal cord cracker
im pop back on da track like ovelreden bacher

im in a state of mind (state of mind)
sudicie in my day and time(day and time)
so do puzzlin shit to my victims (victims)
They call it enigma let me get them (get them)

No. Simply, no. In my opinion, no.

spontainist human combustion the last eruption consumption consume my weapons of mass destrustion over nuthin
im bluffin cause of experiments thru theories
serial series killa plunge a knife in yo achillies
as you fear these go to yo brain and deracinate
at a faster rate acid on ya eye make it more to facinate
vacinate da chemical develop a new stage
throw you against da grain now im bound to rip ya chain
smack you cross da face and put shame to ya name
aim at you lames with persition from da 12 gauge

Bang, all fluid

ya health aches cuz im tearin ACL's
brake ya nails, rape ya girls den tied you up in a dirty cell
a safety hazard im relatin action to lazy faggots
a basic, average and maybe even what meets da standards
pull most ya teeth out till ya fuckin ass screams out
bleima feinds out da scene with ya ribs gleams out

Good

im in a state of mind (state of mind)
sudicie in my day and time(day and time)
so do puzzlin shit to my victims (victims)
They call it enigma let me get them (get them)