Hip Hop Forum

Posted: **Fri Aug 21, 2009 8:27 pm**

2 verses i key'd up cuz i havent wrote anything in'a long time,let alone posted it. so heres a lil somethin. if u leave feed ill return it

its one of them days i get down and i say stuff
cryin to the lord talkin bout i dont pray much
i never have an i prolly never will
if it worked my grandparents wud be 2gether still
life goes on whats done is done so
ill wait for death an just hope that it comes slow
its bound to happen i aint gonna run tho
ill play my cards right make sure its a fun show
look u gotta listen i kno momma hurtin but
im'a stay with u till them fuckin curtains shut
i gotta stay strong ya for nick too
i kno u watchin every bit of this shit too
lay awake at night watchin what the stars do
lookin all around wonderin 'where are u?'
its hard to manage tryna keep goin strong
but damn man tell me what the fuck is goin on

its about time i go get my shit straight now
fuck the world u aint ever gonna see my face down
tryna keep my head up despite all of the tragedies
turn my back i dont give a fuck if ur mad at me
i aint beggin man just hopin that u see yo
im sittin here in pain still tryna breathe slow
dont ask me bout shit im'a just shake it off
wear my heart like my clothes im'a take it off
cuz certain things hit deep an i bleed more
addin salt to the wound like im on'a sea-shore
dont get it twisted motivation is the key
with the soul of a fighter hell ya its me
im not superman so forgive me yall
but at times i dont really wanna live at all
they say gods comin i highly doubt that
even so i never been the type to bounce back

Posted: **Sat Aug 22, 2009 9:23 am**

an old friend..whats good my dude?

anyway i thought this was pretty good..your rhymescheme was there and the imagery was nice as well man liking the way u pulled this off.

Posted: **Sat Aug 22, 2009 2:24 pm**

yo this isnt bad bro, your flow is there it seems like u wrote for audio so thats always good, u could maybe up the vocab or complexity a little but sometimes thats not what ur goin for n thats cool too, props dude keep writin

Posted: **Sat Aug 22, 2009 8:53 pm**

aye yall thanks for the feed i apperciate it. still sorta rusty but o well lol good looks Dynamiq nice to see u still kickin around..but ya JHaze i wrote it for audio intending to record it but i stopped with 2verses cuz i wasnt interested in doin that type of song anymore. im usually the type to add alotta multiples an shit in my verses but i wanted to keep it simple. thanks for the feed ill get at whatever yall have written/recorded.

Posted: **Sun Aug 23, 2009 6:49 am**

Nice drop..Im feelin it like the way is flowed from start to finish

Good Shyt!

Posted: **Sun Aug 23, 2009 6:50 pm**

-TraMaTiK- wrote:2 verses i key'd up cuz i havent wrote anything in'a long time,let alone posted it. so heres a lil somethin. if u leave feed ill return it

its one of them days i get down and i say stuff
cryin to the lord talkin bout i dont pray much

Good line.

i never have an i prolly never will
if it worked my grandparents wud be 2gether still

That is just a sad line.

life goes on whats done is done so
ill wait for death an just hope that it comes slow

I think we all wish that.

its bound to happen i aint gonna run tho
ill play my cards right make sure its a fun show

I don't like that line. Its way too simple.

look u gotta listen i kno momma hurtin but
im'a stay with u till them fuckin curtains shut

Decent.

i gotta stay strong ya for nick too
i kno u watchin every bit of this shit too

That is one perspective.

lay awake at night watchin what the stars do
lookin all around wonderin 'where are u?'

Decent concept.

its hard to manage tryna keep goin strong
but damn man tell me what the fuck is goin on

Word.

its about time i go get my shit straight now
fuck the world u aint ever gonna see my face down

Decent.

tryna keep my head up despite all of the tragedies
turn my back i dont give a fuck if ur mad at me

Yah..

i aint beggin man just hopin that u see yo
im sittin here in pain still tryna breathe slow

A very light description.

dont ask me bout shit im'a just shake it off
wear my heart like my clothes im'a take it off

A clever line.

cuz certain things hit deep an i bleed more
addin salt to the wound like im on'a sea-shore

Good metaphor.

dont get it twisted motivation is the key
with the soul of a fighter hell ya its me

Blah.

im not superman so forgive me yall
but at times i dont really wanna live at all

Ok.

they say gods comin i highly doubt that
even so i never been the type to bounce back

Ok.

I've followed your writtens for a long ass time, its been almost three years. You definitely put legit emotion into all your pieces as you can tell when you listen to your audio. I just wish a few of them thoughts could be relayed with a bit more complexity. I understand that is what you like to spit and keep your flow.

Overall, I'd say 7.8/10. The emotion was real as fuck, the wordplay/metaphors were its crutch.

Posted: **Mon Aug 24, 2009 4:54 am**

thanks menace an plex. plex ill keep that in mind as im writin,thanks for the break-down.

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