Hip Hop Forum

More shoutbox shit for dat ass...

I put ether in shells, leave you with leshions and welts/
I'd expose yer weakness but yer verses speak for themselves/
You seem to excel at ensurin you dont appear the wackest/
But thats just the result of many years of practice/
Yer mirror's cracked kid, tryin to pass as a true star/
So you rap with a crew full of cats wacker than you are/
Yer damaged and used bars are lackin in substance/
I'm the master of puppets, Ruck is bombin tracks like a Russian/
Blazin the clubs, leavin scrapes and abrasions on thugs/
I wait from above, death is fast when you're racin a slug/
You lames came with a dud when we expected atomic attacks/
yer fuckin skills are weak, like a virgin, madonna with raps/
I'm osama with axes, fuck the drama and madness/
You talk of the blackness, but my mind's darker than Kwanzaa and catfish/
You were drawn to the wackness, I'll be yer savior of music/
Just save yer excuses, I can spit over beats, hums, bass or acoustics/


i'll murder the next rook, my text cooks vets, leave the best shook/
flex on ex-crooks, watch em bounce like junior's check book/
in the coldest of seasons i'm roastin the regions/
approachin eve and adam, stab em and leave both of em screamin/
now the score is closer to even, im the weed growin in eden/
if i was flowin on a boat then the oceans would deepen/
my frees are potent, shit they need a trojan/
ive shot more i's and ripped more tee's than hogan/
leave you beat and thrown in yer grave, diseased and frozen/
but i'm the beast of flowin, you can rest but i'll make sure yer peace is broken/
rain man is insane, obsessed with bloodstains and buttrape/
guts draped over a sluts face if she lets my nuts scrape/
cuz ruck's great, theres no denying the facts/
when he's supplyin the raps that cats are dyin to snatch/
defiant and brash, leave you slashed like a lion attacked/
many try and hit back after they make sure their spine is intact/

hmmm.. hints of illness as usual; however a grade below your usual performance which i'm thinkin is because this a key... and yet.. your keys destroy 95% of the cats on this board easily. Last line of the 2nd verse was a little long on the flow... other than that I read the whole thing damn near flawlessly.

Fav line: "Just save yer excuses, I can spit over beats, hums, bass or acoustics/" - if cats actually could spit over tracks, they'd understand that line LOL!

Fire...

Sickness... Like the Catfish line..

2nd verse was best... Few of those bars were amazing.

Id start Quoting other lines but ur adoring fans will be here soon to do that.

Lol my adoring fans... fuck you haha. You know, you'd have more of a following if you were more active. You need to clean up yer structure too, son. I know peeps are having a hard time finding the bar seperations in yer shit. Good lookin though fellas. Yes, this shit was "keyed". I really don't believe in "keystyling", its nothing more than writing for speed instead of real content and meaning. But yeah, I just went at it, thats why the topics are scattered, flow is a little different in places. I have no problem with that last line in the second verse, but I'm the one who wrote it so I know how to manipulate it to fit a beat lol.

There's a lot in this piece that's dope....
I'm feeling the whole thing tho' not much to really put down...
just keep writing LOL! peace

Ha! ... More active? this is second thing this week i did...

Structure? Hmmmm IDK...

thats hard for me.. cuz i actuly stucture it the way i read it...

Killed it Ruck..Good SHit..

shits fresh crazy multi work

Ruckus wrote:More shoutbox shit for dat ass...

I put ether in shells, leave you with leshions and welts/
I'd expose yer weakness but yer verses speak for themselves/
You seem to excel at ensurin you dont appear the wackest/
But thats just the result of many years of practice/
Yer mirror's cracked kid, tryin to pass as a true star/
So you rap with a crew full of cats wacker than you are/
Yer damaged and used bars are lackin in substance/
I'm the master of puppets, Ruck is bombin tracks like a Russian/
Blazin the clubs, leavin scrapes and abrasions on thugs/
I wait from above, death is fast when you're racin a slug/
You lames came with a dud when we expected atomic attacks/
yer fuckin skills are weak, like a virgin, madonna with raps/
I'm osama with axes, fuck the drama and madness/
You talk of the blackness, but my mind's darker than Kwanzaa and catfish/
You were drawn to the wackness, I'll be yer savior of music/
Just save yer excuses, I can spit over beats, hums, bass or acoustics/

Especially liked them last two bars.

i'll murder the next rook, my text cooks vets, leave the best shook/
flex on ex-crooks, watch em bounce like junior's check book/
in the coldest of seasons i'm roastin the regions/
approachin eve and adam, stab em and leave both of em screamin/
now the score is closer to even, im the weed growin in eden/
if i was flowin on a boat then the oceans would deepen/
my frees are potent, shit they need a trojan/
ive shot more i's and ripped more tee's than hogan/
leave you beat and thrown in yer grave, diseased and frozen/
but i'm the beast of flowin, you can rest but i'll make sure yer peace is broken/
rain man is insane, obsessed with bloodstains and buttrape/
guts draped over a sluts face if she lets my nuts scrape/
cuz ruck's great, theres no denying the facts/
when he's supplyin the raps that cats are dyin to snatch/
defiant and brash, leave you slashed like a lion attacked/
many try and hit back after they make sure their spine is intact/

I didn't have much use for that second verse. The first one contained the dopest lines. I'm not saying that you shouldn't have included the second verse, nothing grabbed my attention from it.

No problem, the second verse was shoutbox shit. People were giving me words to rhyme off and that's the result. Preciate the feed errbody!

man wasnt bad you have written alot better but as you say this is shoutbox so it's first to come to mind ish very nice overall some places ill but others pretty basic still on the whole like preparation h lol this was a very nice piece