Hip Hop Forum

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmlBXoOxbUA[/video]

A lot of rappers claim they big, although I never seen em eatin'

But I've ate so many rappers that I've gotta clean my teeth with

Mad floss, then brush after using Colgate and sum Kleenex

You almost caught a beatin', boy you lucky you can spit a bar

punchlines ain't hit hard enough, next time I'll leave a scar

Knock yo ass with past tense, tension make you see the stars

look that's my old style, and here comes the new one

Girls say he's a MenaCe, so what the fuck do you want

Don't care about 5th loss, kiss balls dick sauce

I pack guns that'll make ya do the hip toss, lift off

Split ya cap 4 shooting shit wrong, this song a Diss song

& probably'll make a track jog miles.. Get gone

lick spit off lips from dicks who wear lip balm

Ok Novel, what I meant by "speechless" was that I initially had no comment on this piece. But I returned to give constructive critisism:
1. work on structure. At present your syllables are off per line. Let's say this was a typical 4/4 beat (4 beats per measure) You'd have to slow the flow down substantially or pause quite often to get any rhythm to your current structure. Try counting syllables per bar. Make sure your two lines are even on syllable count. you'll notice better flow then.

2. Concept - Whats the theme here? Where are you going? Are you dissing dude or what? You're all over the place here. Find your subject, focus on it, and ride it till the end.

Nuff said my Man... keep at it.