Hip Hop Forum

aight, let the haters hate!!



Heres to dah Dearly Departed who died as Merley a target
who knows, maybe Nearly n Artist...BUT now just a Puddle of blood
once A Couple in love, deep in dah trenches; troops Stumbled in mud
Troops, Humble in Trust! up against an army...with just a Bundle of Us
On dah Front Line, Aiming dah Semi, blazing grazing there Hemi!
2 seconds later, your best friend from childhood getz slained in the belly
crying out, dah pains gettin heavy as you drag-em a side God Damn He''s alive
A Patriot till the death; and will die wid dah mirror image of his flag in his eye
After the Passionate Fight; he was Devoted to change battling dah most Ferocious of Gangz
dodging bullets, looking to flea the scene but they Exploded tHE train
fighting for freedom, escaping a time where they Voted in Vein
but propz to the troopz, you made it possible fo us to write Dropz in the booth
hang wid our Popz as a youth, or head to da dealership fo Coppin a coup
so lets stray from dah gunz for today, and cherish the fresh air and Sun in yah face
they died winning, over the sinning selfless individuals who Won for our Race



Just something i keystyled last night!

Why would anyone hate..? it was creative.. flowed well.. and original... what more can you ask for in a topical key. But I'm a little emotional over this script, being a former military man and all.

"so lets stray from dah gunz for today, and cherish the fresh air and Sun in yah face
they died winning, over the sinning selfless individuals who Won for our Race" -- Thank you Quix

ppreciate the feed Riggzy!

Some cats are saying i am a 1 Dementional rapper (punch Lines) .. so tahts why i said that!

once A Couple in love, deep in dah trenches; troops Stumbled in mud
Troops, Humble in Trust! up against an army...with just a Bundle of Us
^^^^^that sucks!!!!!!!!

simply cuz I thought about using something of the same thing? or something
either way you beat me to that! LoL! and this was a purdy dope key....I'm feeling it keep writing my dude!

Pretty decent topical drop.

I'd leave more detailed feedback, yet you don't seem to want to do that to anyone, so that is all you get.

thats more than enough!! ^

just like knowing hommies are feelin it.

Quix wrote:Heres to dah Dearly Departed who died as Merley a target
who knows, maybe Nearly n Artist...BUT now just a Puddle of blood
once A Couple in love, deep in dah trenches; troops Stumbled in mud
Troops, Humble in Trust! up against an army...with just a Bundle of Us

Decent job with have substance, seeing as how you you wrote this to prove you can be versite with your shit. You always have above average to great multies, nice cluster here.

On dah Front Line, Aiming dah Semi, blazing grazing there Hemi!
2 seconds later, your best friend from childhood getz slained in the belly

Eh, it was straight, seemed like a filler a little bit, below decent multi, still tied in well with the piece for the most part. Rhyme was off



crying out, dah pains gettin heavy as you drag-em a side God Damn He''s alive
A Patriot till the death; and will die wid dah mirror image of his flag in his eye

Kinda choppy, felt it though.


After the Passionate Fight; he was Devoted to change battling dah most Ferocious of Gangz
dodging bullets, looking to flea the scene but they Exploded tHE train
fighting for freedom, escaping a time where they Voted in Vein

The multis were great here, not grammatically correct, but who really gives a shit about that anyways. lol
One of my favorite lines of the piece.


but propz to the troopz, you made it possible fo us to write Dropz in the booth
hang wid our Popz as a youth, or head to da dealership fo Coppin a coup

At first I didn't think it made sense, but then I thought for a couples secs and realized it did, good line

so lets stray from dah gunz for today, and cherish the fresh air and Sun in yah face
they died winning, over the sinning selfless individuals who Won for our Race

Somewhere in between above average and great as far as closers go, could have done better as far as substance, but how you pulled off what you were going for was good.

Overall, good shit, especially for a keystyle. What I've always noticed about you, is you have great multies and pretty good punches, but flow has always something not that you struggle with, but something you could improve on. That applies to this piece, nothing that blew my mind away, but still kept me entertained for the most part. And this is the biggest cliché that everyone always says, but keep droppin 'em.

it was decent, i didnt like the flow at some parts, because the sentence structure didnt make sense where you forced ur multis.

After the Passionate Fight; he was Devoted to change battling dah most Ferocious of Gangz
dodging bullets, looking to flea the scene but they Exploded tHE train

^^ it rhymed if u read it with a stress, and the last part of the bar seemed a little irrelevant.

But you dont do topicals much though so its pretty decent for what its worth. and nonetheless u puttin work in too so im liking the effort. keep it up kiddo