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Life Clutterings (Underground)

Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 9:45 am
by QwarterZ
I stroll amongst the graveyard hand graspin' paper
followin' a map of sorts delicately steppin' over haters
life is death, the world witholds my thoughts of saviors
closer to heaven, raise your hands they yell and bellow
for hell is mellow, silent yet loud, cast a spell my fellows
for those who are dead shall rise between dust and maggots
stones are shoveled from below, undead dreams with a touch of magic
rushing antics, a scream, a howl, motivation is slowly tredded
lonely lessons, a stationary bed, walls so close we dread it...
my face looks towards the skies as the earth beneath grumbles
I've seen bundles, children wrapped escapin', techniques humbled
they walked before they crawled, a strange yet devilish feature
my head it grows weaker, the smell of methane meddles beneath my sneakers
it dances oh so cumbersome, I forget how such a slumber was
I feel as though my numbers up, I slowly drift becomin' a dumber one
thoughts protrude me, truthfully I'm lost, a deadringer for lack of better words
I beome the raised again, a better curse, myself became half of which...a 6 letter word...

UNDEAD....

but I don't care tho...tranquil in thought...diaries....days...
nights.....written as if I was George A. Romero....

Re: Life Clutterings (Underground)

Posted: Wed Mar 24, 2010 3:40 am
by complexity
qwarterzone wrote:I stroll amongst the graveyard hand graspin' paper
followin' a map of sorts delicately steppin' over haters
life is death, the world witholds my thoughts of saviors
closer to heaven, raise your hands they yell and bellow
for hell is mellow, silent yet loud, cast a spell my fellows
for those who are dead shall rise between dust and maggots
stones are shoveled from below, undead dreams with a touch of magic
rushing antics, a scream, a howl, motivation is slowly tredded
lonely lessons, a stationary bed, walls so close we dread it...
my face looks towards the skies as the earth beneath grumbles
I've seen bundles, children wrapped escapin', techniques humbled
they walked before they crawled, a strange yet devilish feature
my head it grows weaker, the smell of methane meddles beneath my sneakers
it dances oh so cumbersome, I forget how such a slumber was
I feel as though my numbers up, I slowly drift becomin' a dumber one
thoughts protrude me, truthfully I'm lost, a deadringer for lack of better words
I beome the raised again, a better curse, myself became half of which...a 6 letter word...

UNDEAD....

but I don't care tho...tranquil in thought...diaries....days...
nights.....written as if I was George A. Romero....
I see some Lupe Fiasco influence in your style.

"my face looks towards the skies as the earth beneath grumbles
I've seen bundles, children wrapped escapin', techniques humbled"

This was clever.

Very poetic, but not on the level that I'd expect from you. I see a lot of unreached potential in them lyrics. I would have also like to see a few of them metaphors be more extensive then they were.

"I beome the raised again, a better curse, myself became half of which...a 6 letter word..."

I'd like to consider myself quite smart, but I honestly have no idea what the six letter word is. Help me out!

Re: Life Clutterings (Underground)

Posted: Thu May 13, 2010 6:55 am
by QwarterZ
it's Undead....lol

otherwise I was just playin' with the whole Hip Hop is Dead concept

-- Wed May 12, 2010 12:55 pm --

you Rip!!!!!!!!!!!!!! peep this piece = )

Re: Life Clutterings (Underground)

Posted: Fri May 14, 2010 6:18 am
by FlipSide
i think it was hot... nice lines...aiight metas... but the piece did flow and depict ur mental picture very well... Give that sum props....
stones are shoveled from below, undead dreams with a touch of magic
rushing antics, a scream, a howl, motivation is slowly tredded
lonely lessons, a stationary bed, walls so close we dread it...
my face looks towards the skies as the earth beneath grumbles
Nice way to describe the view of the body ... that was tight

Re: Life Clutterings (Underground)

Posted: Fri May 21, 2010 8:18 am
by MOEstradamus
really liked this piece it had some very good bars nothing that was like holy shit but i wanted to read it twice flow was on point multis where there and nice metaphors here and there good shit really liked the read keep it up