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I'm Coming Up (Tentative Title)
Posted: Thu Apr 15, 2010 3:52 pm
by DaPrince
This is a song me and my buddy are working on but this is just the chorus and my verse, which is subject to change because I'm not satisfied with parts of it.
I got deep shit for the Poets
The real shit for the gangstas
The hottest shit in the club that's what yo bitch thinkin
Everywhere I go they say my name and show me love
I guess you can say I'm coming up...
(JJ)
I got deep shit for the Poets, imagery that shows my wits
best believe I'm gonna show it, leave you hoes just throwing fits
til my heartbeat slows and quits, i'll bless the earth with flows I knit
I'm endowed with holy spit, so bow your head and hope I slip
off the plateau on which I sit, or recognize I'm owed the crown
it's like my flow sipped on a fifth, cuz I utilize throwed nouns
I crucify foes found, killed in one fluid motion
washed away like sandcastles built to close to the ocean
a million potions couldn't fix the shit I spit when I'm ripped
twisted and sick, gifted with wit, I'm the kid flippin' scripts
Me quit? Ridiculous, you've been mislead and mistaken
Like Fred or Jason, I'm sick like no medicine's taken
Edison statement: I light mics with the precision of Zeus
I'm new to my crew, like the tooth that wisdom produced
my tongues a gun in the booth, my rhymes are riddled with truth
the one that none have outdone and every syllable's proof
Re: I'm Coming Up (Tentative Title)
Posted: Thu Apr 15, 2010 4:06 pm
by complexity
JJunior77 wrote:This is a song me and my buddy are working on but this is just the chorus and my verse, which is subject to change because I'm not satisfied with parts of it.
I got deep shit for the Poets
The real shit for the gangstas
The hottest shit in the club that's what yo bitch thinkin
Everywhere I go they say my name and show me love
I guess you can say I'm coming up...
(JJ)
I got deep shit for the Poets, imagery that shows my wits
best believe I'm gonna show it, leave you hoes just throwing fits
til my heartbeat slows and quits, i'll bless the earth with flows I knit
I'm endowed with holy spit, so bow your head and hope I slip
The second bar is killer.
off the plateau on which I sit, or recognize I'm owed the crown
it's like my flow sipped on a fifth, cuz I utilize throwed nouns
You CAN'T use throw twice that close as a rhyme. I can think of some ways to end that bar real strong though, keep working on it.
I crucify foes found, killed in one fluid motion
washed away like sandcastles built to close to the ocean
Good meta.
a million potions couldn't fix the shit I spit when I'm ripped
twisted and sick, gifted with wit, I'm the kid flippin' scripts
Maybe that could be reordered, I think it might come off a bit more fluid if you start the rhyme but saying I'm. I could be wrong, just something that I've noticed over the years.
Me quit? Ridiculous, you've been mislead and mistaken
Like Fred or Jason, I'm sick like no medicine's taken
Decent bar.
Edison statement: I light mics with the precision of Zeus
I'm new to my crew, like the tooth that wisdom produced
Nope. I don't like any of that. Everything following Edison's statement, just seemed, eh, plus you can end on a stronger note.
my tongues a gun in the booth, my rhymes are riddled with truth
the one that none have outdone and every syllable's proof
Good.
I gave some constructive criticism that hopefully helps you complete the track. Don't let the pressure fade you, just write verses the way you know how.
Fairly nice drop, though, I can think of some other drops that you did that I'd like to hear recorded.
Re: I'm Coming Up (Tentative Title)
Posted: Thu Apr 15, 2010 4:10 pm
by Borat
Edison statement: I light mics with the precision of Zeus I'm new to my crew, like the tooth that wisdom produced my tongues a gun in the booth, my rhymes are riddled with truth the one that none have outdone and every syllable's proof"
^ I like that a lot man. Sick shit.
[ Post made via Mobile Device ] 
Re: I'm Coming Up (Tentative Title)
Posted: Fri Apr 16, 2010 4:39 am
by QwarterZ
I was feeling this...very nice
JJ keep coming with some dope stuff when he goes in
the only thing I didn't like was that lil' hook
I think it should be used for somethin' else
either way that verse was purdy solid!
I crucify foes found, killed in one fluid motion
washed away like sandcastles built to close to the ocean
^^^^^^^^that was nice~!
Re: I'm Coming Up (Tentative Title)
Posted: Sat Apr 17, 2010 3:46 am
by DaPrince
Yea I didn't come up with the hook, but it inspired the first line of this verse and then I just went in from there. I'll probably end up changing the "I'm new to my crew" line but I'm still undecided as to what I want to do because I don't want to mess up my rhyme scheme. Preciate the feed though. Thanks.
Re: I'm Coming Up (Tentative Title)
Posted: Sat Apr 17, 2010 7:27 am
by FlipSide
til my heartbeat slows and quits, i'll bless the earth with flows I knit
I'm endowed with holy spit, so bow your head and hope I slip
nice drop in all...i think this line stood out...i guess cuz its toward the top..and sets the pace... but wtf do i kno...just givin props
Re: I'm Coming Up (Tentative Title)
Posted: Sat Apr 17, 2010 12:32 pm
by Riggz
"til my heartbeat slows and quits, i'll bless the earth with flows I knit
I'm endowed with holy spit, so bow your head and hope I slip" -- I liked that bar. This will make nice for audio. Good flow.
Re: I'm Coming Up (Tentative Title)
Posted: Wed Apr 21, 2010 2:33 pm
by DaPrince
Preciate the feed.