Hip Hop Forum

I put the blame of my method of change on change
Plottin on ways ta get payed like never lay-away
A stand up dude societys fool gets payed in full
I prey on dudes thats laymen too n made like food
In the almighty dolla i trust n pledge ta take its power
Like trump while dudes cower and front ya get fired
I require that niggas move cuz ill-do more than make u prespire
Leave u rockin the proper attire.. suit in a box
If you stand ta get dropped like this economys stocks
And this key im anglin on a kite like franklin ta be fly
If my chance slim on hittin-then im riskin on lightning
No room for the frightened,a true form of enlightment
Open ya "eyelids" at lifes bitch hand n hand its righteus
Hand over fist we "look" for it till we lifeless
Measured success dressed to impress like a-dress
State of the unions subjects when our frailtys adressed
In front of a congress i buy(Bye) laws from cops wit hundreds
My thirst for knowldge a 49ers golden nugget
Place nothing above it love is only lent till its spent
Its not regret to repent cuz the apple Now tricks serpents
It circumvents the circumfrence its identity stashed like swiss banks
Even in the chase for ass its form off flatter takes cash
Emirs hoard it with gas and the u.s. got fucked by its banks
Regulated bianarys find a way to get together like gangs
Rougue X-ed mans empowered ta drain thru the touch of a hand!
Im living im glad till im dead Itll be my lives fad!!!

Yea another key i like this one too lol

Leave u rockin the proper attire.. suit in a box
If you stand ta get dropped like this economys stocks
And this key im anglin on a kite like franklin ta be fly
If my chance slim on hittin-then im riskin on lightning
No room for the frightened,a true form of enlightment
Open ya "eyelids" at lifes bitch hand n hand its righteus

^^^^^^^^^^^^^that whole part stuck out to me
I don't know it just seemed to flow smooth

you keep bouncing round with ideas tho'
it's kewl nice competition.....dick....

lol keep writing

Ohhhhhhh! if i had any skills at text id battle u and kick ur ass... until then ... ill shut up in ur face...but when u walk away..ill talk again! ** mumbles ** Wanna call me a dick... ill show him..

I thought it was coo bro, at first I was reading it like how I write and it didn't flow but then i re-read it and it sounded hella good it flowed well.

put the blame of my method of change on change
Plottin on ways ta get payed like never lay-away
A stand up dude societys fool gets payed in full
I prey on dudes thats laymen too n made like food
In the almighty dolla i trust n pledge ta take its power
Like trump while dudes cower and front ya get fired
I require that niggas move cuz ill-do more than make u prespire
Leave u rockin the proper attire.. suit in a box
If you stand ta get dropped like this economys stocks
nice flow here it was on point i didnt see very many multis that where on point very simple rhymes too but still nice flow and layout just try to use more complexity in your rhymes nice couple metaphors kinda played but they where there so you will improve

And this key im anglin on a kite like franklin ta be fly
If my chance slim on hittin-then im riskin on lightning
No room for the frightened,a true form of enlightment
Open ya "eyelids" at lifes bitch hand n hand its righteus
Hand over fist we "look" for it till we lifeless
Measured success dressed to impress like a-dress
State of the unions subjects when our frailtys adressed
In front of a congress i buy(Bye) laws from cops wit hundreds
My thirst for knowldge a 49ers golden nugget
some of your bars here where really forced in parts i mean i see what your trying to do but be more open with your word choice its holdin you back but your improven

Place nothing above it love is only lent till its spent
Its not regret to repent cuz the apple Now tricks serpents
It circumvents the circumfrence its identity stashed like swiss banks
Even in the chase for ass its form off flatter takes cash
Emirs hoard it with gas and the u.s. got fucked by its banks
Regulated bianarys find a way to get together like gangs
Rougue X-ed mans empowered ta drain thru the touch of a hand!
Im living im glad till im dead Itll be my lives fad!!!

i like your points and message your trying to do here all together it was a good piece i liked it but only thing that is wrong is your words are simple and you have very lil multis but these are ez fixes bro so keep it up

thanks man... i know i got no vocab now and time is tight..but im actively learning from u guys...much appreciated....thanks for the break down x