Hip Hop Forum

I wrote this to Soundtrack 2 My Life. Cant find the Instrumental So Until I do I'm keeping this shelfed and not writing the another verse.

What makes a man is it holding guns? on the low the run
When po's come cuz he sold in slums/
Or is it livin with ya focus none?.. age 21 young/
but in your circle your the oldest bum/
See im not spitting for tha gold or funds.. I compose for fun/
but sometimes i have ta show the dumb../
That when it comes to ya future n ya hope is plunged/
You lose faith like stolen nuns/
First ya start ta get numb like coke ta tongues/
Then ya start ta lose breath like smoke in lungs/
Next ya heart skips beats like broken drumz/
Str8 fear my motivation is ta overcome/
So I started rocking mics like hovas son/
N I might not reach fame or be da chosen one/
Unh..
But no pain no gainz what dey told me son/
So I'm playin da game hard with swollen thumbs/

mayne that aint a bad flow, the lyrics werent nothin special, but they some real shit right there some allright multies n shit and mayne try this beat it's a damm good remake

http://www.illestlyrics.com/copyright/s1k8ie2a3ue1

Yeah I try not to be too advanced when writing for audio itll go over peoples head but good look for the beat magne

Once again, held a scheme for a whole verse. I'm not going to say it was amazing, because it was far from that, but what you did do, that I can appreciate, is made sense for the entire time. If you can do that, then you're not limiting yourself from being real dope with these kind of verses.

Keep working at at it.

this was above average i wouldnt say your best worked but i really liked the read and good material cant wait to hear the whole thing ill leave better feed back once its done

See im not spitting for tha gold or funds.. I compose for fun/
but sometimes i have ta show the dumb../
That when it comes to ya future n ya hope is plunged/
You lose faith like stolen nuns/

This shit was real kid.... It did flow rhyme scheme ok blah blah ... but i think its perfect writing for spitting,,,where does the line get drawn by the way