Hip Hop Forum

i dont usually spit heat i prefer to recite passion
but ill burn a verse like im the last dragon
im what happened when we became culturally adapted
caynt help i like the baggy saggin crooked hat and do rag and baby blue fubu and southpole classic
cant help i wan ride in a lac chrome 22's for the shoes 2 15's blastin
trick daddy rappin on a tupac classic closest folk crackin jokes in the backseat laughin
babygirl ridin shotgun while were cruisin through traffic
actin like a mac braggin bout the dough i roll and the cheese i stack
so much lettuce the bread just gives u a head rush
then to make her laugh
i let her know i work at a sub shack

I think this would be dope
if it wasn't written like a poetry piece
I mean I thought the rhymes were goin' to be dope
and they were, it's just hard decipherin' it
very slick stuff tho', with work you can be dope my dude
keep writing!

noted appreciate the reponse

i dont usually spit heat
i prefer to recite passion
but ill burn a verse
like im the last dragon
im what happened
when we became culturally adapted
caynt help i like the baggy saggin
crooked hat and
do rag and
baby blue fubu and southpole classic
cant help i wan ride in a lac
chrome 22's for the shoes
2 15's blastin
trick daddy rappin on a tupac classic
closest folk crackin jokes in the backseat laughin
babygirl ridin shotgun while were cruisin through traffic
actin like a mac braggin bout the dough i roll and the cheese i stack
so much lettuce the bread just gives u a head rush
then to make her laugh
i let her know i work at a sub shack

ok flow was a bit choppy here and there i mean your set up is better than before but you still need some work check this

try using a set up like

ima use a's and b's and c's as the rhyming words look try a set up like this

a,b
a,b
b,c
b,c

You dont wana FIGHT(A), so you best step BACK(B)...
or ima take ya LIFE(A), with this next hot RAP(B)//

and a matter of FACT(B), you should never lie to ME(C)...
before your left wit BLACK(B), yea with no eye to see(C)//

i mean you can do it a different way you can do anyway you feel best you feel me..

you can try

an easer way to get started

try a,a,a,b,b,

step off kid i know you dont wana FIGHT(A)...
cuz ill take the 45 to ya dome and take ya LIFE(A)//

you wont see the LIGHT(A), your be left in BLACK(B)...
for ever thinkin you have a chance to beat my RAPS(B)//

thats a FACT(B), theres no way you can lie to ME(C)...
cuz this bright flow will leave you with no eye to SEE(C)//

you can try it that way i mean do what you think will make you better just see if these styles may help you

I prefer this style.. ya know? Like old rap... but that's just me.. its' like:

Trubblecleff- lookin in his wallet but theres nothing left
He spends his summers stressed at a sub shop makin subs the best
They say hes paid by the hour then what the fuck is a monthly check
So he stays in the shower with his girl gettin that bubble sex
double XL wrappin trojans like a covenant
Cummin quick...

etc.

So I guess in the form xtaci was sayin it's... a,a,a,a,b,a,b,a,a,a,a

That's just me though...

i understand and appreciate what yall r sayin dont know if ill try to follow a formula to much with the key drops but i will make sure to pay attention on the ones that i intend to use. love the real feedback instead of people just talkin shit. its these kinda replies i feel will help me get better thanks much

p.s. catch lol

haha had to do it man