Hip Hop Forum

my first written lines...


the lack of profanity
reduces insanity
in todays humanity
witch entices my appetite for hommage
causing the rommage
so i turn to R Z A
for his sauteed rap souflee
it portrays a buffet
that could make the esse jose obay
the lyrical disarray
thats dropped from the bomb bay

my genius context
thats summoned from the flexed perplexed
cerebellum will overwhelm
the one in helm
tell um
where im from
stright from the slum
beware if you come
scum drunk on rum
will beat you like a drum
or make the tec humm
resalting in you numb
from the neck down
put on my sergical gown
the lyrical homocide will reduc you to a common noun,
surrender your crown,
skip town,
and leave your trousers brown
yo agent orange/killah ozone
the unknone one alone
on his throne
the vicious cyclone
thats prone
to leaving minds blown
well known in my time zone
i rome through
the mental home
in search of dome
and pollyuathane fome
to insulate the OHMs
and mediphorical sound wave
that i spawn in my cave
like a knave
i misbehave
only the brave
get enslaved
because of the engraved ninja blade

feed back for an infant to writing

This was purdy cool, I mean the beginnin' pop'd off
very smoothly written, a dope drop for your first time
I think it sounds like it should be on a track...if it isn't
then again some of it needs working, the lines arent bad
they just lacked that UGH vibe you know what I'm sayin'?

thanks yo im goin of a raw wu tang style i kno what u mean by the "ugh vibe" im gunna work on it, i appriciate the feed back

i think it was descent... everything rhymes and that was cool.. some big words in there that were used right..couple metas n shit... Just seemed a lil choppy prolly cuz the way u formated ur bars.. but better than others...keep droppin