Hip Hop Forum

I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Winds blow embers, branches scrape my chest
I stare into the black, with my hands in a vest
Blind but see smoke, this must just be a test
I walk through the coals, what is it that Im feeling?
Pain? Remorse? My vision is blurred but still seeing
Im facing my past, I kept it hidden for so long
It eats away at me, though I act as if Im still strong
So gone in my head, I start to realized decisions I made
Regret, watching the girl I loved face begin to fade
I look to my right, see my grandpa with his held high
I look to the left, Im crying, I never told him goodbye
I didnt know when he left that night, hed be gone forever
Figured Id see him at Christmas, the hurt never got better
It didnt go away, never will, now I see how alone I was
How much it hurt, which is why at 13 I decided to turn to drugs
Problems arose, they eased the pain, nothing more I cared about
Then to get high, relieve the hurt I felt, as I exhaled out of my mouth
The worlds getting clearer, I look and see a young me binge eating
The drugs helped for awhile, but food seemed to fill the void I was needing
Obesity struck, my body kept feeding, hated my life, Im lucky Im still breathing
I changed that part of my around with the weight room and dedication
My asthma and heart problems cleaned up, I threw away my medication
While that part worked out, it gets blurry again, seeing oppertunities I missed
If I did my homework like I should have, I should be in a university writing this
But instead Im working my way back, look at each day mad with a clenched fist
Relentless in my struggles, still a space to be filled with this hole in my soul
Plenty of friends, but not even they can reverse time nd put me in a new role
Spitting it all out, trying hard not to talk fast, but who are we all without past?
Why we're made of skin, because you cant see through me, without glass

This is a purdy sweet rap man. I like the self reflection in it. I feel like I know you after reading this. I respect that you can dig into painfull memories, I have always had a problem doing that. Overall it flowed pretty well and just had alotta emotion... I'm shitty with feed but I did enjoy it and keep em comin my man, you write some good shit.

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Damn Omega, this is a nice verse. It's straight from experience, unhindered by any attempts to try and 'coolify' it, which I respect. Its straight unveiled reality. Its expressed with nice vocab, consistent rhythm and flow, and really brings out the struggle to overcome the weaker aspects of life well.

My only suggestion, or maybe it's just something I was hoping would happen with this piece, is that the imagery your bringing to the first half of the verse fades away after some time, and I was kinda hoping that the last couple lines would bring it back to this path you start outlining in the beginning, like to show how far along the path you've walked or something...

But overall this is a great piece of true writing. Nice drop...

Some nice imagery in the beginning and a nice reflective piece. Like IC said, I think coming back to that at the end could make this piece come full circle. Even if you're not done walking down the path. This could probably be added on to; going back and forth between your life and your metaphorical progress down the path. The only criticism I have is that lines become rather long at the end. Some of them could probably be separated into two lines. This could do with some light proofreading as well.

shit was pretty nice homie. definitely a piece i can relate to in a few ways. although at times the rhymes seemed basic the message was still strong and the presence was still felt. nice drop man.

What Can I Say That All The Others Havent Already!! Nice Drop

Man I read this the other day and it didn't stand out cause of flow or whatever it was just pure uncensored emotion. A lot of the time it's hard to just let it spill out in to words without getting lost in translation but u didn't have problems there. The whole thing just seemed like a bunch of emotions swirling around ur head all chaotic and whatnot, not sure if it was the atmosphere u were going for but it was cool.