Hip Hop Forum

Suspended bars hang from my mind u sware I was da jigsaw,
well play a game till da death objective see whoever lives long,
have 10 of ur friends one by one disappearin like beer pong,
if u make da rite choices u die cuz u still wrong,
so long,damn so dere goes anutha victim,
im dyin of rap cancer heard only legends ever get dem,
but im hear coughin out metaphors I think im catchin symptoms,
Im an artist wit 3 brains 4 front lobes so u kno I have intelligence
Ur negligence isn’t welcome here like immigrants,
Ima masked murderer, a cape crusader so I guess im contradicting,
Ill negotiate wit u to kill urself and make it sound convincing,
Ur eyes would b rollin but itll b da greatest crime uve ever seen,
Ull b missin body parts like a girl whos 13,
Ima bully but sorry I don’t mean to sound mean,
But not murderin lyrically is like goin cold turkey and ima feen,
So one by one dese bars begin to lower and disappear,
Just served up 4 rappers ima eat...mmm…I love da smell of fear


-Talent..

From beginning to end , it was consistent and well written. The flow was good , and you had some pretty fresh lines ... ex:


"Ur eyes would b rollin but itll b da greatest crime uve ever seen,
Ull b missin body parts like a girls whos 13"



Nice line.. keep writing

I felt Drake inspiration on this.

Maybe because I was just listening to his album.

"Suspended bars hang from my mind u sware I was da jigsaw,
well play a game till da death objective see whoever lives long,
have 10 of ur friends one by one disappearin like beer pong,
if u make da rite choices u die cuz u still wrong,"


"Ima masked murderer, a cape crusader so I guess im contradicting,
Ill negotiate wit u to kill urself and make it sound convincing"


I wasn't wowed by this written, but it does show that you have some talent.

Worth the read.

it was pretty cool, something id rather hear then read though.
decent structure and some metas and such, multis were up and down at times.

but all round good ish

This was aight, didn't really stand out to me that much
some lines weren't worded correctly, u started using multi's
then stopped which kinda threw off the vibe of the piece
I guess it's alright though, I think this was just a fun piece
nothing to compelling just trying it out I can see it's ur first post
I won't lie I wrote some ish like this before, but it was WACKER
yours isn't too wack, it just don't appeal to me, nah'mean?
either way...nice lil' drop, keep it up man, you'll crack through the top
keep writing!

Ur negligence isn’t welcome here like immigrants,

lmfao!!

Idk man.. seems u got some mixed reviews here..as for me i liked the whole style of it.. had some good metas in there..even tho the flow was choppy at times. Like anti said...M ight go real good in audio ..also if u wrote it to a beat it would help to link it in there.....1

this shit has a lot of potential man. try cleaning up your grammar a little bit, that shit makes it for a hard read. your flow was pretty nice. had some lines in there that were good and also had the potential to be better. just elevate ya game and keep doin what your doin man.