Hip Hop Forum

Got a Smile On My Face, In A Welcoming State
Im Glad That Your Fate Today, Is To Get Raped
Hope Ya Credit Slate Get's Ate, Including Plates
Cuz I Wont Negate, Anything Less Than An Eight (00)
I Measure Plight Wit Insight, Ta Match You A Ride
If Ya History's Right, Then I Plot On Decieving Sights
Da Need Relieve Ya Hike, Got Me Really Pimpin Rides
While Ya Bargain Trial, Seems Worth The While
You Still Getting Served On Platters, With A Smile
It Staggers Percentiles, When The Finance Is Involved
Smooth Talk The Hancock, The Salesman Speakin Now
Lull Ya Wild Need, Ta Back Ya Money Out With Greed
With My Winning Smile That Wets Pussys,Even Balls
For A Whole Month, Till Ya Statement Reach Ya House
Go Head Screach Ya Tires & Prespire Till Ta Both Bald
Cuz I Post Hard, & Shoot Oddz Beasting Free Throw Lines
Cool Like Freon Lines, In Heated Pitches My Series Mounds
Got More Strikes Than St. Quentins Penal Prison House
My Records Long, Like The Seasons Almost Done
Still Grubbing Hard, Stickin Em Like A Babe Ruth Bar
When They Beirut Lot's, About They Fucked Up Car
Like An Arab With A Bomb, After U Disrepect They God
Where Most Would Get Soft, I Consider It Part Of Da Job
U Payed For Lemons, Now U Got To Drink That Sour Shot
Get Out My Fucking House, Id Rather Avoid The Cops
Just Repo Ya Car & Put That Bitch Back On The Lot

i wasnt really feelin this piece. it started off alright but then it started to not rhyme and i just couldnt get into it man. it picked up a little bit at the end again so that was good but this just wasnt that great of a drop. ive read better from you before.

This started off alrite , but toward the middle it seemed like you were tryen to force sum words in so they culd rhyme ,& at the end you stopped rhymen at times ... I think you have some creative ideas , jus gotta find the way to say them so everythin can flow together .... but keep writen .... pce

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

Yeam man.. I Wrote this while at work.. dipping and dodging lol... i appreciate the feed. I think the rhyming is there.. i jus changed the structure and veered off topic in the middle a lil bit.. I would have really liked some quotes on where u think the flow fell off so that i can work on it.. i also have a problem with inner multies.. i think i gravitate toward writing that way and it fucks my structure up.. But I Dunno... I Dont Write Much Anymore

haha. fuckin flip man. i guess im really the only one that can feel you on this.



im glad that your fate today, is to get raped

cus i wont negate, anything less than 8(00)

smooth talk the handcock, the salesman speakin now

haha. you a fool man. i liked this alot. you kinda went off towards the middle, but not too bad. cool shit man. i can relate

Got a Smile On My Face, In A Welcoming State
Im Glad That Your Fate Today, Is To Get Raped

LOL. you're crazy

Hope Ya Credit Slate Get's Ate, Including Plates
Cuz I Wont Negate, Anything Less Than An Eight (00)

word


I Measure Plight Wit Insight, Ta Match You A Ride
If Ya History's Right, Then I Plot On Decieving Sights

building up

Da Need Relieve Ya Hike, Got Me Really Pimpin Rides
While Ya Bargain Trial, Seems Worth The While

feels like spoken word.

You Still Getting Served On Platters, With A Smile
It Staggers Percentiles, When The Finance Is Involved
Smooth Talk The Hancock, The Salesman Speakin Now
Lull Ya Wild Need, Ta Back Ya Money Out With Greed

like the salesman speaking now part.

With My Winning Smile That Wets Pussys,Even Balls
For A Whole Month, Till Ya Statement Reach Ya House

you lost me with the even balls part lol

Go Head Screach Ya Tires & Prespire Till Ta Both Bald
Cuz I Post Hard, & Shoot Oddz Beasting Free Throw Lines
Cool Like Freon Lines, In Heated Pitches My Series Mounds
Got More Strikes Than St. Quentins Penal Prison House

Like the last line ^.

My Records Long, Like The Seasons Almost Done
Still Grubbing Hard, Stickin Em Like A Babe Ruth Bar

LoL babe ruth.

When They Beirut Lot's, About They Fucked Up Car
Like An Arab With A Bomb, After U Disrepect They God
Where Most Would Get Soft, I Consider It Part Of Da Job
U Payed For Lemons, Now U Got To Drink That Sour Shot
Get Out My Fucking House, Id Rather Avoid The Cops
Just Repo Ya Car & Put That Bitch Back On The Lot

Went in..

last 4 bars were the strongest Point,

Nice to see you still writing, def elevated from previous shit.
Keep dropping.