Hip Hop Forum

I suffer from depression but im lovin the pain,
u can share ur thoughts after i dismantel ur brain,
Take ur lips to my ears so i can hear u complain,
Touch u like a piano.. my foot in ur mouth to sustain,
The flow of my words just seem rarely upserd,
The deaf kidd down the street said he liked wat he heard,
but im tired of the nursery ryhmes its mother goose in this place,
If great lyrics make u black than there should b segregation of race,
den i bcame dark and u a prostitute cuz ur white in the face,
get it.. white in da face?..
time to take  out the garbage..im the MANAGMENT and ur truly da WASTE,
Y do rappers have 1 good line and now think that their invincable,
welcome to my school..greetings from your principal,
i read dictionaries for fun and i study a thesaurus,
dont think im dangerous?..i was da one who created chuck norris,
i call the shots..scarface.. the world is mines,
I have ur sisters and mom at the corner like a stop sign,
my ryhmes are bullets and my pen is da trigger dats takin me far,
Last time u held a gun u where pumpin gas in ur car,
so stop da braggin cuz ur more like a fetish,
Ur useless,ugly,slowly dyin ...hello precious..


-talent..

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

Aight man, I can see you have been taking advice and have been elevating with your ideas and concepts. Its still your delivery thats holding you back IMO but this had some wordplay involved that I liked, and some that is pretty played out (like the waste management line). I think you have great imagery too, but sometimes it seems like you put things into your lines that have nothing to do with the verse itself, like the line involving a piano... You didnt play off of piano anywhere, it didnt rhyme with anything, so why include the piano and not something else that would have been more fitting? Just trying to help you continue to expand. I like the direction you are moving tho. Keep at it. One.

Yeaa i feel u mann...and i have been takin the advice and feed back is wat makes u betta...so keep it cummin and thanks my dude...ohh and yea da piano line was kinda outta da blue but i was trynna say id stop u from sayin nething as in sustain..hold it still...but i guess i didnt show wat i ment that good...good looks.

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]