Hip Hop Forum

Due Monday
8bars/16 lines

yessir good luck

SITTIN AT MY DESK & I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THIS... LET ME KEY SOMETHING UP BELOW..

DROPPIN>>>>>

Imma make this dude soul glow, my erratic rhymes a rip his mind and have him contemplating on a no show/
Battle me a no-no, imma rookie-vet wit crooked text and this isn't my first go wit the word flow/
I could of just showed up, cuz like a pill poppin body builder I don't think leeroi has no nuts/
So put the bars down don't touch, I make cats nod they heads to text rap you even like "Boi tough"/
I could waste some lines, introduce the world to I, hello everyone leeroi's facing ER b4 his prime/
So just imagine when it's time, and in all honesty I could of smashed this lame in a battle wit one line/
I should of dropped Friday so you could get a quick peak and then grant you an extension say ummmmm bout 6 weeks/
Never read your words but I can tell that your shits weak, hang ur ass all over my lines like dicked sneaks/
This boy look in the mirror wishing he can be me, real face on my avatar so you can see what you can't beat/
Yea boy it's that deep, I am defeat, imma read your lines like "copy all, delete"/
Candy bar rapper this nigga too sweet, so let’s all watch leeroi green fall like loose teeth/
Get ripped like loose leaf, cooked like roast beef, imma lock jaw killer, pit bull, no leash!/
Let me out the yard and it’s no beauty, all beast, rip you to shreds body parts everywhere, good grief/
You beating me I guess you got a strong belief, but the aftermath of this destruction is what the fuck you gonna lie beneath/
I’m hot you’re not let’s end the speculation, this here’s the definition of complete and utter annihilation/
You’d win if you put my whole verse in quotation, or copy it and paste it, you should vote for me too just to avoid the complication/

he did sign the death waiver right, a'ight

if thats your idea of a joke ya whole philosophy's trash/
you couldn't handle my shit with a colostomy bag/

not that E's wack, just consiquent fact " HE?, AINT BEATING ME!"/
i got more bars in more places than AT&T/

notepad a crate of TNT, the flow dreaded like Weezy Carter/
and think i'm just gettin in the swing of things like Petey Parker/

easy slaughter, cus the camera the only cannon you shootin/
"cradle to the grave" you'll get X'd like Gabriel Union/

i'll smash you at your family reunion have everybody laughin hard/
you've got a uni-cycle flow so how the fuck you gon' handle-bars?/

arm bars, rebars, 'til this Punkass TAPOUT by knee-bar/
you'll B C N E.R N A E.R. with I V's feeding each arm/

sorry E, but all can C U R not a qualifying lyricist/
I can kill you with a phone call, "Law abiding citizen"/

R.I.P. E but good news as you lie in the coffin/
if you're a nice emcee you can thank god face 2 face that i'm finally stoppin/

easy.

Vote time...

-- Mon Oct 04, 2010 7:59 pm --

Still no votes?

aite i think ER came pretty nice but the punches werent really there man. your verse sounded more like it was built for audio. you had some nice flow and nice rhymes but i think it lacked punches.

leeroi had some nice bars in there too. a few of them are kind of played and i do believe you could have tightened up your set ups because it also seemed like yours was built for audio. bars were almost too short at times. the law abiding citizen line was raw but could have been worded much better to make it sting harder. overall i think you had some nice wordplay and punches but need to work on your structure because it aint really built for text battling.

i gave the edge to leeroi for his wordplay and punches.

Just a question..

Shouldn't our verses sound like they are built for audio? Wouldn't that count towards flow? I'm just askin bcuz Noble said that about both of our verses and I want a better understanding of how things are voted on around here for future battles...

1-0 leeroi

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

vote leeroi green word play flow and hi bars werent stretched he connected n hit harder

Flow: ER
Punches: ER
Personals: Leeroi
Wordplay: Leeroi

Overall: ER

Leeroi, you had some creative wordplay here and there, and some potentially good punches that seemed to mellow out when they should have struck harder. Your flow wasn't bad, but seemed a bit unnatural at points. Both ya'll could have benefited from a few more personal attacks, as most of it seemed real universal. But overall, good shit, I think with a bit of improvement you could be a battle force to be reckoned with.

ER, to my ear your flow was your strongest point here, I could hear the music in it, and it flowed real naturally. You had a couple creative lines, but also had some filler that could have been filtered out and replaced by something a bit stronger. Just like Leeroi, u woulda benefited from more personal punches, and not just the kinda universal shit that could be said in a battle with just about anyone. Overall though, I think you edged our Leeroi due to the strong rhythm and flow you had, and you use your language quite vivid. But if you wanna compete with some of the heavyweights in these forums, your gonna need to strengthen the power of your punches and head a bit more for the jugular.

Punches: Leeroi
Wordplay: Leeroi
Nameplay: Leeroi (I believe there was only one instance of this the whole battle.)
Personals: None
Multies: ER
Flow: ER

ER had a few funny lines. I liked the 6 weeks line. But overall his verse lacked in wordplay and punches. Def had the tighter flow though. I think your flow was fine for a text battle.

Leeroi could've used some work in the flow department. But had some decent wordplay. A few played concepts but some nice original stuff, too.

Both of need to come harder with some more personals or name-play or something. Let the audience know who you're putting down. Good battle, though. I enjoyed reading it.

+1 Leeroi Green

ay yo def thank all who voted and i promise all the feedback is what i'm here for and you will see growth with each drop shout to you E epic 1st battle if its true you learn more in loss than in victory you wont be nothin to fuck wit very soon til next time -------------BE EASY--------------

when your writing for text its so different from writing for audio. this battle shows two prime examples why. leeroi's verse was way too short and was built for more of an audio flow, if ER would have came a little more text-ish and thrown more punches he would have took it. you can tell by reading ER's verse that it was more audible then anything. like just the way you wrote your shit out. like the bar where your like "ummmmmmm about 6 weeks", reading that isnt the same as me hearing that from you because it would be totally different. the part where your like "boi tought" is another example. your structure is more text-ish but the flow is more built to say aloud. you just lacked the punches and wordplay. other dude had the punches and wordplay but his set-ups were weak and were short as shit. hopefully that kind of explains what i meant.

Good shit leeroi green... Close this up... I see I got work to do to adjust to the sites voting concepts....

It's kinda hard to do personals really with someone in their first battle without anything to go off except their name..

I opened up wit a personal wit the soul glow line (Last Dragon movie) & said his name about 2-3 times... Everything else just had to be setups and punches which I thought I did well but I guess I didn't..

It's still hard for me to understand the "sounds good for audio" thing bcuz every rap we all do on here should easily translate to audio hands down or else it isn't a rap at all it's just words on a page...

Thanks for the votes guys...



[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

-- Wed Oct 06, 2010 11:31 am --

Oh wait I'm tripping...

3-1 leeroi

still need votes

if you do audio then you would understand my friend. text is an entirely different realm. no way else to really explain it. and i do agree with you on the personal shit. these dudes expect you to flip a thousand personals on a dude you dont even know or hasnt even been on this site for a week yet. shit is lame.

Uppin for votes

3-1 leeroi

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

-- Sat Oct 09, 2010 12:34 am --

Uppin!!!!! WTF