Hip Hop Forum

Met By The Chance Of That First Glance
As The Words Danced, They Extend Hands
Ta Grasp That Sand, In A Fragile Stance
Clasped The Wind Blast, Against My Plans
I Fought The Thought, To Unlock Ur Heart
Tho The Key Was Forged, By A Deeper Love
The Seeker Saw, That Leaves A Deeper Cut
So Ta Speak Of Pain, U Must Know The Hurt
N That Makes It Worth, All The Risk Involved
I Hit Against The Odds, Now The Game Is Ours
& The Change That Comes, Is Worth The Power
If We Work As One, Proclaim Its Dawning Hour
We Can Stand On Top, Of Its Tormentous Showers
With A Moltin Pot, Full Of The Growing Flowers
The Type That Brought, Forth The Morning Hours
Where We Sweeten Sour, And Pollenate Da Power
The Weak N Cowered, Grows Roots Thats Stronger
By The Contagious Laughter, That Radiates Da Matter
And Can Change The Axis, Of Any Stable Planet
Pave The Path With, The Grandest Gold n Granite
Where The Stranded Wandered, Out They Fallace
We Can Forge The Chalice, Out Theyre Malice
With The Arm N Hammer, Of A Dwarven Master
And Give Back The Armor, Of A Kingly Stature
To The Poorest Basterd, With A Mind To Muster
A Word To Bolster, Commitment Out A Holster
Ta Show That Love's Intimitate Fragile Boldness
Can Be Harnessed N Wielded, With The Prowess
Of Two Beings Swinging, The Blade Of Knowledge
I Played The Oddest Chance, To Pull At Straws &
Won The Loving, That Completes My Causes

Nice piece here Flip, I liked it from beginning to end. Your lines invite some real meaningful reflection here. You also have a way to use your language and vocabulary well, and fit it all into the flow. However, I did feel like your flow started to fall off a bit about halfway through, started running with a couple concepts but left the rhythm a bit behind. You got a few nice multis in there, didn't seem forced either, so that was nice. I'd like to hear you do this one as an audio, I think the lyrics would match up with your delivery style well...

Thanks For The Feed IC.. This Is Probably The First piece I Put A Lil Effort Into In A While Since The Bosses Arent In. I Also See Where U Said I Fell Off On. Now That You Mentioned It I See It. If I Had Wrote This To A Beat Or Find A Suitable One I Might Take A Shot At It... Thanks For The Feed Bro... Drop A Link And Ill Return Feed As Always

From start to finish, as an emotional piece, this was fucking hot. I liked the flow too, even though it didnt use alot of multi's. Only thing I have to say is that love shit can be redundant, but when you actually make it mean something, its worth the read. I think you couldve made this into a track, honestly, and kept it going. This has that poetic flavor that anyone can get into, and I think lots of people can relate to this piece. Nice drop Flip.

Good shit from beginning to end. The flow was pretty good. I can see where IC said it fell off a bit. Maybe shifting just a few words could really make it perfect. Like Murk said,the love thing can be redundant but I think you really avoided that by using some different and very deep metaphors and a good vocabulary as well. Keep it up.

By the way, I forgot to add that I like your vocab use alot in this one

Thanks A Lot For The Feed Fellas.. As Always Drop A Link Or Ill Catch U When I See A Drop

man this shit was quite dope i have to be honest, at the beginning it was a nice emotional piece i liked it but then when you got going towards the end the vocab was building and the flow was steaming away it got to be quite dope, was some good shit man real dopeness some fire with that man much respect for you on this piece i liked it keep this hot shit comin man

oh for shure thanks for the feed mutual

Hey yo Flip, if your willing to return the feed, I'd appreciate it if you could read through this piece and let me know what you think. Warning: it's quite long...

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/breat ... 18721.html

aiight ill peep it when i get to work