Hip Hop Forum

Heartbreak constantly bothers me, robbing parts of me
I gotta leave, it's like they purposely makin it hard for me
And hard to breathe, then suddenly I start to see
That my windows are as clogged as my father's arteries
I see it like he's being murdered by his own body
So until his heart is dead I can only love him partially
The living dead, it's evident this is just a giant wake
Even though he's alive my mom sees him at the giant gates
Crying like he's had a taste of bittersweet release
Leaving all he knows but at the same time he's seeking peace
And I feel selfish for thinking about myself for a second
But I don't want to experience his ascent upto heaven
Brought me here, left me here.. and I hate this pain
That he caused by being in pain, I can't place the blame
Without looking bad but it's because I care too much about him
And how I'd feel lost in a vastly different world without him

And hard to breathe, then suddenly I start to see
That my windows are as clogged as my father's arteries
I see it like he's being murdered by his own body
So until his heart is dead I can only love him partially

These 2 bars fit real good and have great emotional power. I also love the metaphorical sence u give it here.

This all n all is an aiight piece.... i feel u couldve used better vocab and wordplay to add to this piece. Still in its simplicity it is a moving piece. I can almost feel the raw emotion in this piece. Would like to see more drops from u

This piece is getting slept on. There is some deep emotion in this piece for sure. The flow is pretty much perfect up until that last bar. You used some nice imagery and some good metaphors as well.

If this is something you're really going through then my condolences.

Word ya got natural talent for writing the shit I can read and bob my head to without a beat, ill flow it puts the rhythm in my head easily. You really built on ya style over the past few months polishin up the inners and smoothin out ya setups. Far as emotion I know what ya goin through but when it's in writing like this it's almost like I'm taking a peek into ya train of thought, stay up.

Heartbreak constantly bothers me, robbing parts of me
I gotta leave, it's like they purposely makin it hard for me
And hard to breathe, then suddenly I start to see
That my windows are as clogged as my father's arteries
I see it like he's being murdered by his own body
So until his heart is dead I can only love him partially
The living dead, it's evident this is just a giant wake
Even though he's alive my mom sees him at the giant gates
Crying like he's had a taste of bittersweet release
Leaving all he knows but at the same time he's seeking peace
And I feel selfish for thinking about myself for a second
But I don't want to experience his ascent upto heaven
Brought me here, left me here.. and I hate this pain
That he caused by being in pain, I can't place the blame
Without looking bad but it's because I care too much about him
And how I'd feel lost in a vastly different world without him


The whole thing was written well... deep, just the consistency alone killed it.. for a second I could swear you were my boy spitting me his situation, its relate-able, good read. Keep up the good work.
Keep dropping

Hey girl. Am feelin this for sure. I dig that poetic vibe it has going.
Deep foshizzle.