Hip Hop Forum

Once upon a time, man
I was comin' with a rhyme and
suddenly my mind ran
towards the finer points of my time span,
So I took a look around,
wondered what I woulda found
if I hadn't sunk inside the speakers sound
seekin' for a beacon that was deeper down.
If I hadn't figured out the bigger route
would I be endowed with the rhythm now?
For to fortify my cordial mind
with a sword drawn fit to fight
takes a strength of a different kind-
So I wait, with a blade forged in fire
to escape from the wars waged by desire.
I embrace what we've done,
but the changes to come
we'll attain through the pain and the love.
With our aim on the dove
we can deal with struggle son.
This is real! can you feel how we're livin, huh?//

Chorus (sorta sung):
//With the world in a state of pain
we had better come together for a change.
The sentiment we demonstrate is vain
if we never endeavor to better things.
So I say, with the weight of the world in it's chains,
there is no debate that we must pave the way
for the truth to emblaz-on the fruits of the day- kid.
Take this occasion to think how to raise them
who sink in illusion without a blink.//


//We've been loosin' our edge
to produce make pretend,
while the fools on the fringe
pull the threads in our head
with the fear that we're fed
by the monster under the bed.
I admonish the better of dead,
when the truth is upon us
will you remain complacent with dread?

Chorus//

As we've been wastin' away,
the price that we pay
will prove to be grave.
So let's move with the earth
as we pick up the pace
to unloosen the chains
and remove all the hate
from where we choose to place blame.
Wait! Did I just raise the stakes?
I could say, “Aww, he's to blame”
but the facts still remain
that the roots of the rain
are deeper than a (w)little puddle, hey.
The subtle intricacies are rather interesting
and no one is free of the rhythm if you give it a think.
So give it a think, just give it a think...

Once upon a time, man
I was comin' with a rhyme and
suddenly my mind ran
towards the finer points of my time span,
So I took a look around,
wondered what I woulda found
if I hadn't sunk inside the speakers sound
seekin' for a beacon that was deeper down.
If I hadn't figured out the bigger route
would I be endowed with the rhythm now?
For to fortify my cordial mind
with a sword drawn fit to fight
takes a strength of a different kind-
So I wait, with a blade forged in fire
to escape from the wars waged by desire.
I embrace what we've done,
but the changes to come
we'll attain through the pain and the love.
With our aim on the dove
we can deal with struggle son.
This is real! can you feel how we're livin, huh?//

man i thought the rhyme scheme was nasty... just real fluid throughout the entire piece, i liked the start off the most but the ending still held its consistency. very nicely done. 2nd verse next

-- Sat Oct 23, 2010 9:15 am --

//We've been loosin' our edge
to produce make pretend,
while the fools on the fringe
pull the threads in our head
with the fear that we're fed
by the monster under the bed.
I admonish the better of dead,
when the truth is upon us
will you remain complacent with dread?
nice flow again i can defintly hear this on a nice beat, wonderin what kind youd use
Chorus//

As we've been wastin' away,
the price that we pay
will prove to be grave.
So let's move with the earth
as we pick up the pace
to unloosen the chains
and remove all the hate
from where we choose to place blame.
Wait! Did I just raise the stakes?
I could say, “Aww, he's to blame”
but the facts still remain
that the roots of the rain
are deeper than a (w)little puddle, hey.
The subtle intricacies are rather interesting
and no one is free of the rhythm if you give it a think.
So give it a think, just give it a think...

this wasnt as good as the first but still started off pretty nice. over all a sick drop man i liked this

Thanks for the feed Anti, glad u appreciatin this piece. These are actually the lyrics for a collaboration track I recorded with a Canadian emcee, Eric Broadbent (reminds me a bit of Buck 65), using one of his beats (mostly a bouncy guitar and drums), but he never got around to recording anything (this was like three years ago now), so these lyrics are currently in lieu, hopefully will become part of an actual song eventually.

I'm noticing a pattern with the word "beacon" in your drops. Anyway, This seems to be fitting in with a theme of yours lately; how the decisions in life effect us down the road. And more so, how writing and hip hop are a part of that.

As for the rhyme it self, your flow was as good as ever. Your vocab wasn't as complex as you sometimes get but it wasn't a detriment here at all. The chorus kind of borders on cliché, though that doesn't make it any less true.

My favorite excerpt:

I embrace what we've done,
but the changes to come
we'll attain through the pain and the love.
With our aim on the dove
we can deal with struggle son.
This is real! can you feel how we're livin, huh?

I like how you call us to strive for peace but remind us not to forget what has happened before, good or bad.