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Life

Posted: Thu Oct 28, 2010 1:38 am
by Knight804
When you feel like your burning, you just look up to the sky.
Because when it hurts the most, you just wanna cry.

At a point the angry is too much, you just want to die.
Or go do something dumb, maybe a drive by.

But when that’s all set in done, the only thing you gonna be saying is goodbye.
To your family, the ones who stuck by your side the most, now no reply’s.

Now you disappointed them, now they can’t call you there son.
They ask you the same question all the time.
“What were you thinking having your hand on a gun?”

Shame on you, you ruined your life you never get to see nothing besides that light.
The Devil is in you now son, you’re not getting out this fight.

Re: Life

Posted: Thu Oct 28, 2010 4:25 am
by Momeijah
Pretty blunt and straight forward, but cool. Flow was choppy to me from the 3rd bar on but I think it stepped up lyrically there too haha.

But when that’s all set in done, the only thing you gonna be saying is goodbye.
To your family, the ones who stuck by your side the most, now no reply’s.

^ Easily my favourite part I liked the perspective and how simple u put it. I'd rather read something longer from u on this topic though.

Re: Life

Posted: Thu Oct 28, 2010 10:55 am
by Phasewon
You're obviously a biginner, this wasn't too bad, everything was simple to say the least, but it has potential, search a lil' deeper for more complex rhymeschemes and stay improving.