Hip Hop Forum

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVtENpFA ... re=related[/video]

Summer rose in the balance of time and growth
it ran it's petals across the wind, timed it's flow
danced to the melody of the wind and bowed
as to say "I just came to say this and I'm out"
the world, in all it's beauty can only be portrayed
by those that help it as it grows, control it's pace
don't let it grow wildly, if your cup runneth over
then the strength of such beauty only becomes a boulder
a problem to bear, some may not see it as being fair
though this beauty may seem as rare, as love, u don't seem to care
therefore, you need to witness the projection at hand
it can only be seen so well especially under the protection of man
the inception of plans, will only help the growth fluently
and the winds will carry the sound of it's dance musically
as it brushes each leaf with a petal, at such amusing speeds
it stands in the sun, only to help those with viewing needs
you see, the rose can play the part of anything at this point
and this is where the experiment begins to be something I enjoy
although I don't think anyone will see or know where I've been goin'
so at this time, at this moment, I will let it be...

This shit was decent, I've seen you come harder, but still on point nonetheless, and I like the fact you write to a beat, as well as delivering an even 20 bars, I'll see cats droppin' 23 bars like wtf is you doin' son?! flow was on point, multies was dope, the quotables was just lackin' for me, seemed like some quick shit, but stay at it.

Pretty cool that you posted the beat. I dont know if you intentially did this, but it stood out to me. The line "if your cup runneth over" is in an Eminem verse. Not sure what its called but it has drake, kanye and wayne in it. I know its a casual thing to say but the usage of "runneth" is what caught me. If you did it as a refrence, props, unintentially, even more props because i dont know many Emcee's that can use the vocab word. Anyways, nice drop man. "the rose can play the part of anything at this point" ill concept in that line man.

This drop was aite. Very solid; I walked away from this thinking into the deeper meaning of what you wrote which is good, but it didn't blow me away. I like the thought you put behind it but your imagery was so-so which kind of took away from the message so to speak. Each thought flowed into the next well and the flow was pretty good.

therefore, you need to witness the projection at hand
it can only be seen so well especially under the protection of man
the inception of plans, will only help the growth fluently
and the winds will carry the sound of it's dance musically
^^^Until the middle of the third line was ill. The fourth line was ok but really didn't compliment the previous three lines that well.

as it brushes each leaf with a petal, at such amusing speeds
it stands in the sun, only to help those with viewing needs
you see, the rose can play the part of anything at this point
and this is where the experiment begins to be something I enjoy
^^^I like the concept but you can put so much more thought into your wording in this and other sections.

Like I said, put some more umph into your wording to make an image stick in the mind of your reader, especially since you're using personifying emotions through roses in this case. Overall it was a solid drop, keep writing.